so that's what the cinema room is for

Monday, February 11, 2008

my friend court just emailed me with a hysterical story about her morning workout experience at the downtown fitworks today. i found it so funny that i just had to post it for you all to read.

a bit of background: the downtown fitworks has a cinema room that basically houses about ten treadmills that one can workout on while watching movies on a huge projector screen. in the pitch black cinema room is where the following story takes place.

My dear fellow and former Fitworks members…thought you might enjoy this story. Helps if you’ve seen the film “A History of Violence”.

5:25 am – I enter the pitch black “Cinema Room” where I join another individual, (picture a 40 something lanky male), for my morning workout on an adjacent treadmill. I should preface this with my need to be on treadmills DIRECTLY in front of the screen, lest I get too engrossed in what i'm watching and start running in the direction my head is turned…this has happened before and believe me, it’s not good. So despite the weirdness of it, I get onto the treadmill right next to the lone dude.

As I mentioned, if you’ve seen the film you can better relate but I’ll do my best to describe the goings-on. There is a part, in the beginning of the movie, when Maria Bello dresses up like a cheerleader and she and Viggo Mortensen start to engage in some “amorous” behavior…no biggie, right? Well, as I’m chugging along on my treadmill, I innocently look up, only to see Viggo’s head buried in Maria’s crotch…WTF? I’m used to running to “Ice Age” and “Remember the Titans”. When did soft core porn become acceptable Cinema Room viewing material? Unfortunately, this is not the end! They proceed to swing around into a maneuver named after a certain number…um, seriously…W? T? F? The dude next to me, at this point, slams his hand down on the emergency STOP button and leaves the cinema room in a hurry mid scene. For the rest of my workout, two words continuously ran through my head, “Offended or Excited? Offended or Excited?”.

first off props to anyone that wakes up that early to work out. and i sure has hell hope he left because he was excited - that would make the story end that much happier. if you get my drift...


  1. If it was that early in the morning is your friend sure she did not mistakenly walk into the local porno theatre?? If not....Fitworks just got a new member!!!

  2. Ha, new member, no pun intended!
    Seriously, 5:25? That's early!
    At the first mention of gym and Viggo M. I was picturing the movie Eastern Promises and thought this story would involve a nude knife fight in a steam room. That would have definitely been hilarious. But this is pretty funny too!

  3. hahahahaha, that is all sorts of amusing.

  4. The paps are all over me Brit-style since my 300 words of fame. My head has swelled to twice it's normal size (which was already a HUGE on a scale of 1 to 10). Don't be suprised when you hear I've entered rehab...

  5. And I mean "HUGE" in a "hard to fit in hats" sort of way...not an “egomaniacal bitch” sort of way...


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