i was really good at smoking.
i loved every puff. inhale, exhale. and at the time i really and truely thought i looked cool smoking.
i can still remember my first cigarette. on my first day of high school (it doesn't take much freedom to corrupt this girl), a gal named molly and i walked across the street to mcdonald's and we sat outside under a tree and molly taught me how to smoke. of course i was in my catholic school uniform like that didn't scream underage at all. as i put the marlboro light in my mouth she told me that the best way to learn how to inhale was to say, "oh! my mom's coming", then exhale.
for serious. sorry mom.
from the ripe age of 14 i was a smoker. in the girls locker room, in the baseball dugout, where ever i could. the worst example was when i was playing queen aggravain in the musical "once upon a mattress". whenever i had a break in the show i would blatantly walk outside behind the school, costume and all and take a smoke break. who the heck did i think i was? balls of steel i guess.
this carried on though college. freshman year my floor was the only approved smoking floor in the whole school and of course my room was the center of it all. i think back on it now and am so disgusted. and i smoked menthols! ew.
the thing was, i never had a desire to quit. although when i found out i had vocal nodules i went from smoking parliament menthol lights to parliament ultra lights, that was my big way of cutting down. but at that point all my friends still smoked, it was one of my favorite past times...
until about 6 months ago.
for whatever reason i decided to quit smoking - cold turkey. it was a combination of me starting a new job (i was no longer going to be driving around in my car smoking all day), ohio had just passed the non smoking law so i couldn't even smoke while i was sitting at my favorite bar and that just took the fun out of it. i also was getting a bit disgusted with the amount of money i was spending per month on cigs. so i just quit.
but what has been bugging me lately was that how in such a short amount of time of being a non smoker can i suddenly get this elitist attitude towards smokers? i feel bad looking down on smokers because i was one of them for 13 years! gross.
i saw a cop throwing a cig butt out of his patrol car the other day. it annoyed me. an old lady was walking down the street with a cane while smoking. i wanted to run up to her and say, hey lady smoking is bad for your health! walking by a bar while people are standing outside bitching and moaning about how cold it is outside, well dumbass you wouldn't bee outside if the cigarette you were smoking didn't have you by the balls.
a thought to ponder - even though i may have quite smoking a pack a day. if a have a smoky treat (only one!) after 3 glasses of wine am i still a smoker? and am i being a complete hypocrite by chastising full time smokers?
go ahead and marinade on that one.