yeah, i'm in trouble

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

little did i think that my last post (read it before this if you haven't already!), would have caused such a stir with my mother. i mean i knew i would get a rise out of her but not to this level!

first i got an angry phone call. i dealt with it.

second i got another angry phone call : (

third i got the following text message - "i told everyone to read your blog because i was proud of you.... now i'm not"

ouch. talk about a burn.

then, i log onto blogger to write something yet to be determined about how my mom reacted and i see that i have this comment on the last post from her :

"Well, I can tell you for sure that I am NOT HAPPY about this!! Sure "SOME" of your readers may think this is a great idea because it is not a reflection on them, ONLY YOU. I did my best to bring you up properly and with some sense of class. You would be taking this to an entirely different level, one that wouldn't gain you the proper respect and would make you loose your credibility. This could come back to haunt you, say by employers or future in-laws. This has NOTHING to do with age! I may not have always been an angel but I did not announce things I may have done to the world or use inappropriate language in public. Some things are best kept PRIVATE!! I don't understand why you would feel the need to push the envelope in an inappropriate and unnecessary direction. This will NOT make me proud, only sad"


talk about taking the wind out of your sail.

does she not understand the sarcasm in the last post?!?!

this is just obnoxious. her rebuttal was exactly what i was bitching about when i said i didn't have any freedom on my own blog.

does anyone out there have some advice for me on what i'm supposed to do to fix this situation?



  1. Oh this is easy.

    Tell me all your stories and I'll post them on my blog as "super duper secret person."

    Whoops, I gave that away. I'll come up with a catchier nickname. No one will ever know!


    That was a little much. Sorry.

  2. You REALLY want advice? I'll call you with mine.

  3. It sucks that you can't be honest on your own blog without some backlash from your parents. It's not like you're sleeping around every night and writing about it so you can make it as a whore. You're writing about your life. About all the parts of you. The you that your family loves. They should accept all of you and if you want to swear or be vulgar, it's not a representation of your character. You're just writing.

    Unfortunately, my only advice is:
    A. Fuck it and write what you want anyway
    B. Get a new blog and don't send the Url to family.

  4. This is the exact reason that I haven't told my mom about my blog. Although there's nothing that I do that is HORRIBLE, there are still things that I wouldn't want her to know everything about.

    My dating life (if I ever have one. ha!), silly things I do with friends, and how much money I spend is really none of her business beyond what I want to tell her. It's not like I lie and tell her that I never drink.

    I don't cuss that much in my blog (or at least I don't think I do) and I don't say anything overly disgusting, but I wouldn't want to have to censor my every word in worries that I'd upset my mom. My mom knows I drink... that I go out... but she may not know how much every drink costs, how late I get home, etc. Does she need to? In my opinion, no.

    I'm not saying that all moms are the same, but blogging is supposed to be an outlet and I don't think it'd have the same effect if my family read it.

    Sometimes people of different generations/backgrounds (not necessarily just age) take jokes differently or just don't get them. A great example of this is how your mom took offense to the comments left on your last post. I'm 99% sure that the comments were meant to be sarcastic and not at all serious. A lot of commenting/ blogging is made up of joking around.

    As for what to do? I'd say talk to your mom about why you don't want her to read it. It's not that you want to come on here and write dirty stories about your life (if you even have anything truly horrible, which from just reading what I've seen on here I doubt it's anything too bad). It's just that you want to be able to be open about your life and not worry that you're going to offend her.

    I don't know who your host is, but sometimes I password protect things. If you had the same password for all of your protected entries you could give it to all of your regular readers. That way your mom (and other family members, friends) could enjoy your writing but if there was something inappropriate you could still share it with your other readers and write about it without running the rist of upsetting someone. This would also shield you from any problems with future employers reading it.

    and WOW that comment was long.

  5. Oh, and I debated on putting this in my last comment or not but I decided... screw it.

    It's ridiculous if saying you want to be more open in your blog and using one ridiculous phrase causes your mom to say she USED to be proud of you for this blog.

    I'm hoping that it initially just upset her that you are asking for some privacy and after you two talk about it things will change.

  6. i think it's a great idea that you take people's advice that hardly know you instead of from people that care about you (sarcasm - in case you didn't get it)

  7. Only because I love your mom and I'm a spelling freak myself, I need to note that, in her very emotional note to you, she spelled 'lose' incorrectly. I'm sure this was strictly a mistake fueled by rage, and I wholeheartedly understand such a mistake. But since you always talk about her correcting your spelling, I thought I'd note it.
    That said, I understand what she's saying. I mean, you did give your family your URL. Do you really want them to know such things? Moreover, do you really want such things in writing, for all to see?
    If so, I agree that you should just get a new blog. But maybe you should really just rethink the whole thing. Some things should remain private.
    And as for the claim that "if you want to swear or be vulgar, it's not a representation of your character," that's just not true. Everything you do, say, or write is a representation of your character. What is this blog if not a representation of your character?
    Don't make this decision based on what your family wants, make it based on what you want. And if you still think it's ok, make your decision based on what your family wants.
    You really should know what a terrible idea this is.
    By the way, I'm not one of your relatives, nor was I hired by one of relatives.

  8. you're first mistake was making a point of saying you were going to get "edgier"...

    you and your big mouth...

    and mom's still proud of you sissy.. all the family members who read it know your shenanigans anyways so it's no surprise to them.. and it should be to mom!

    Mom just makes a big deal about it because she doesn't read other people's blogs.. maybe you need to enlighten her on what other people actually blog about and she'll realize your is in fact not bad at all.

    But in all actuality do you really want to be telling people that read your blog if in fact you did come off a cocaine bender and had tons of group sex? I don't really think you do.. maybe you just want to know the option is there.

  9. The Minister Of CultureApril 9, 2008 at 12:18 AM

    My Beloved diarist,you asked for advice, so here it is.As you know, i'm no angel!From the age of 18 up until I got married at the age of 33 I did everything imaginable in the realm of sex drugs and rock and roll. You name it I did it!I could write a book and go on Oprah!In fact if I did not get married I would probably look like Kieth Richards(although i've never done heroin).The bottom line is iv'e had a very very rich history!Did I have fun?Yes!Do I regret it?Probably no.(although I could of done without the run in with the law!)Im only being this frank with you right now because thier is only about 6 people who know my true identity.The point is,this is all private stuff.As we speak, my wife, my in laws, my children,current and future customers(except MOM&GUESS WHO)know of my storied past.And thats how it should be!Anything racy in your life should stay in SECRET SQUIRREL mode!If you publish it for posterity It most certainly will come back to bite you in the ass!

  10. The Minister Of CultureApril 9, 2008 at 1:23 AM

    HOLY COW!!Thier has been a lot of activity on this subject while I was crafting my comment.Unfortunately most of you are on the wrong side of this issue!A little shout out to the sarcasm crowd!If someone says they had lunch with aliens,most would laugh(except for Larry King,who would ask what they ordered)because no one eats lunch with aliens!But if some girl says she snorted coke off of some guys penis only those close to her would know she was kidding!We have a young professional business girl here trying to make it in the big city,publishing racy tid bits about herself worldwide I do not think would further that cause. Remember,perception is reality!

  11. the minister of culture- The sarcasm I was referring to was the comments on the last post. I don't think that plum's mom understood that the people who said they were so excited were just kidding. But yea, I agree with you that she shouldn't joke about snorting coke off anything (and your example so gross that it made me laugh, lol).

  12. I do keep a secret blog where I can let it all loose...and that's the one my mom can read. Since then, she's been blogging too - no swearing, of course. (I think that would require the Second Coming and flying pork for that to happen.) It took a long time for her to 1) get into the idea I posted my thoughts online, and 2) feel free enough to set up her own site. She lives on the other side of the world, so this is the closest we have to a heart-to-heart when our time zones don't intersect for Skype.

    Blogging can get strange and scary. Been posting online since these things were called "online journals" back in the 90's (my bones creak just in remembrance of the scandalous behavior back then...good times ;). I don't know if I'll ever be as open to the public about my personal life as I used to be in my twenties, but the blogs (yes, plural) are still a great outlet.

    You have to enjoy writing it - and your site and writing style are really funny and full of great insights. I'm very sure you make your mom proud online AND offline - you just might need to remind her this is your personal space, and it evolves along the lines of YOUR life.

    P.S. My mom did read excerpts from my college blog at one point. She totally freaked out. For a while, I got emails filled with Bible passages with the word "repent" featured prominently, the sex offender stats in my area, and dreadful tabloid stories about the evils of the Internet.

  13. Just be careful. That is my obvious but very important advice. The internet can be a scary place. There are many stories of "trolls" out there who would love to watch someone else's fall from grace, you included. That is the only thing that worries me because I love you lots and wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to you or see you have any problems or sadness because of the blog.

  14. rs27 - that is a perfect idea! i want my pseudo self to be called "sexy lexy"

    thea jo - call me!

    jenn - it does suck : ( i'm thinking i'm just going to go with your option A

    maxie - you are amazing. i seriously agree with everything you said, in ALL of your comments. that advice is going to help me. you and jenn put another bloggers take on it, and that's what i needed

    anonymous - i appreciate the sarcasm ; )

    sissy! - you are so right, me and my big mouth. but i appreciate you going to bat for me with mom.

    minister - snorting coke of a guys penis!!!! HILARIOUS! and you also make very valid points. but you also know how crazy my mom can be!

    the happy scribe - thank you so much for your wonderful advice, and coming from such a distinguished blogger! : ) i enjoy blogging so much, i just don't appreciate it having this much of an impact on my personal life with my mom. but i guess it comes with the territory.

  15. When it rains, it pours. Sometimes the best umbrella is a glass of wine (or 2), a cheese plate, and an open ear. I am there for you :)

  16. From one blogger to another, don't push it! For many of the stories I have posted HAVE come back to haunt -- which is why I do NOT go into detail about my own "sex, drugs and rock-n-roll lifestyle." And do you know how long it took for people in this town to take me seriously, let alone NOT thinking all I did was drink and party?

    I'm with Minister on this topic, as I could easily write some intriguing tell-alls. But there are truly things that are better left unsaid... er, blogged.

    Besides, do you really want your potential boss knowing you just had a four-way with a couple of the hotties from the Cleveland Police Department? Nah, not really...

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  19. i'm with the minister, anonymous, poopoo and mel on this one. things can and DO come back to haunt people, but i know that when you are in your 20s that doesn't seem feasible. george bernard shaw once said that americans have no sense of privacy and I believe it was in The Fountainhead that something was said about civilization progressing towards privacy and a savage's existence was public. being a intelligent young woman will probably one day bring you to a place where you will not like how you presented your character and this will have nothing to do with how your family felt, only with how you think of yourself. do not mess up the bright, witty gift of writing you have with in-the-moment shock value stupidity.

  20. Hey Alexa,

    I feel your pain. (How Clintonian of me.) However, I'm kinda surprised you are getting such a backlash, as your blog seems mostly tame. I mean, sure you go out for drinks and buy expensive shoes, but that isn't so bad.

    But anyway, I sort of strike a balance with my blog. Only some of my friends know about it, though if an enterprising stranger wanted to be clever, they could probably figure out who I was. So, based on that, I don't say anything too questionable about how I feel about my job or the particularly colorful parts of my life.

    You have a bit more of a problem, since it seems that many people in your personal life have access to your blog. So you are left with a bunch of lame options: either self-censor, which takes the fun out of blogging in the first place, or ask folks not to read, which will only hurt feelings and probably not work anyway. I thought your original request (minus the jokes that apparently went over like lead balloons) was reasonable and written in a loving and kind way. Obviously that didn't work, though.

    So, to end this super long comment, you are 27 (right?), you have a professional career, and what looks to be a bright future. It seems like you know how to live your life without the apocalyptic warnings you are getting right now. Good luck!

  21. sorry i accidentally put anonymous on my comment above but it's really from guess who!

  22. why delete a post that you KNOW is true..... I thought that you wanted a blog where all could be revealed, why censor comments?? Isnt that what you are against? Wasnt the point of this argument, to be able to say what you wanted to say?? See you are your mothers daughter...

  23. why did the 2 great previous comments get deleted? are you editing? that should not be! we should hear from all sides on this issue.

  24. Get a new bloggie address and email other bloggers the new URL


  25. i have an inkling that the "annonymous" person that posted before this is also know as "mom."

  26. alright people i did in fact delete two comments. i'm not about censoring and if you read this blog AT ALL you would know that i don't EVER delete comments.

    BUT when the comment contains my last name and where i work and what comes up when someone googles my name i'm gonna have to draw the line somewhere.

    and that was where it was drawn.

    period the end.

    and i wish you people would grow some guts and not hide behind "anonymous" because that is just lame

  27. First, I did not put your last name or first name. I got all of that information FROM YOUR BLOG. Then I took the information from your blog to google your name which is what people do online.... You had an old post where someone said your last name. I am CERTAINLY not your mother, just a fellow internet user trying to show you how easy it is to take information that YOU HAVE ALLOWED to be published on your blog and used it how others will in the future... Just showing you how easy it is for a person who is not a friend or family member (which I am NEITHER) to get more information than you may want them to have...

    The point of my last post was I do not think that your mothers wrath is the one you should be worried about here. It is obvious that you love to torment her, and you are quite good at it as we all can see. I was pointing out that it is those of us that do not know you who can take things from here and see how far they can go. People do that online, that is why they make Primetime specials about the internet. Some secrets are better kept that way. I can tell who your family members are and who your fellow bloggers are. They are encouraging you for good reading not what could be a regret later.

  28. geez you're getting a lot of backlash for a seemingly innocent question. i would recommend the anonymous blog route if that's what you really want to do. however, i'm not anonymous (a few cousins and friends know about my blog but that's it) but i have found a good balance of what to talk about. i don't go into too much detail but still try to make it interesting to read for everyone else. i think you'll figure it out in your own time and i hope that your family will be proud of you no matter what you do. it's just a blog! ;)

  29. these comments are getting amusing! i would like you to know that if i use a name other than my own or anonymous it isn't because i have no guts to tell you who I am, (i will gladly tell you at anytime) but i like my privacy and don't feel that others need know who i am! there are things i would tell you in private, but when i'm reading this, it is easier to comment rather than call you. maybe i should just start calling you all the time and torturing you! LOL! most people should be so blessed as to have a family that loves them so much!!!! and admit it, you have always gotten a high from torturing your mother and saying things that will get you attention (even if it is negative attention). things really haven't changed since you were little, right? i'm sure you know who this is now!

  30. I totally agree with Deutlich. I feel like this whole thing is way more trouble than its worth. It's time for a new URL.

    I've been watching this conversation and I think you have two different topics going on here. Your mom's reaction to your email and the idea that you're going to be different kinds of content on the internet.

    I agree that you shouldn't go and put certain things on the Internet.

    BUT I also think that it's your choice what you put on here and its your choice who you let read it.

    And again I say: get a new URL. I'm not encouraging you to not give it out to your family. That's your choice. I'm just saying you have to make the choice on your own.

  31. I think it is creepy that "anonymous" people have so much time and care so much to google you and then antagonize you on the blog. She didn't mean any harm to anyone with this post. It may have been a mistake to put it out there but it is the anonymous people out there causing the problems - they're the ones who cause teenagers to kill themselves by harassing them for their kids on Myspace. Its sick. You're not protecting, helping or enlightening people here, you're just causing more problems. Go elsewhere if you have problems with being here.

  32. I guess it's like this - In real life? I talk about a LOT of crap. I do not censor myself, I do not worry that i've done something offensive (unless @ work or around cops, for example). In all reality? My mother KNOWS i am TOTALLY crass. I get it from my father. I'm okay with this.

    That's exactly how I talk in my blog. The only reason it's even semi anonymous is so no one from work can figure out who i am. Also? Sure, if my mom wants to read about dildos and porn? That's fine, she sooo can - but she's quite a bit more conservative than I am and I figure it's nice to spare her the details, ya know?

    In all reality, though - My mom knows me better than anyone. She knows I am not particularly PC. She wouldn't be shocked at what I write.. so if she ever did find it, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I'm a grown ass woman.

    I still stand by my suggestion, though. and HOLY HELL you've got a lot of anon comments! Grow some balls, people.

  33. a) disable anonymous comments. anyone will say ANYTHING if they can hide behind the guise of anonymity.

    b) if you don't want your mother to read your blog, you need to talk to her about it. She needs to respect your space.

    c) if you get a new URL tell me! I just found you, and I enjoy this representation of you very much!

    d) realize that like people said, whatever you choose to write is on a public forum. You may have to pay the consequences, cocaine benders and all. I used to be more open, now I'm more selective on what I post.

    e) did you curse my Tigers?

  34. I just wanted to be the 34th person to comment.

    Who knew not being scandelous could cause such commotion on a Wednesday?

  35. I wanted to be the 35th comment. Take that Allison M.!

    Sorry, just trying to cause more commotion.

    Commotion Wednesdays. I feel like we have a good theme here. I stole that from comment 34.

    I am a thief.


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