tears of a clown

Friday, August 29, 2008

i've cried too many times in the past two days than i'd care to admit (don't worry, i'm fine). but of course in my usual style i will find a way to make fun of myself for it.

i'm good at being self deprecating, so i'll stick with it.


i have decided today that there are two main types of criers.

there are the beautiful women who still look fabulous even when they are "crying". their eye makeup never smears, they daintily will have one gigantic crocodile tear roll down their cheek, then their strappingly handsome male companion ever so gently blots away the single tear. "there, there, oh fair one. it will be alright." "thanks", she replies, "i feel so much better now."

gag.


then there is me.
first there's the burning sensation that starts in the back of my eyes. then my lip starts to quiver - immediately my inner monologue is saying, "don't do it, there's no crying in baseball, don't do it!"

next i bite my lip. trying feverishly now not to let my voice crack (if i'm speaking). but a time inevitably comes when i can't fight the tears back, they are going to flow and i better brace myself.


my eyes
get bright red, so will my noise and my lips. yes, my lips even get red. i will of course not have a tissue around and will end up wiping my tears (usually black from makeup) with my shirt. i will most likely still be trying to talk to someone about why i'm crying and i will let out a bit of a sigh, perheps even a small yelp or a catch of my breath.

yes, i'm THAT kind of crier.

sexy huh? who wants to make out?


you do! awesome! i promise i only cry at sad movies, when i stub my toe, at weddings, when i get mean anonymous comments, when the bottle of wine is empty, at work, when i look at my credit card bill, before - during - and after sex, on new years eve, when it's last call, when i can't find my zoolander dvd, when my flower pots die, when the nordstrom's shoe sale rack doesn't have my size, when my contact falls out, when i have no service on my bberry, and when the candle burns out.


the above list? i made it up, i only cry at two of those things. i'll let you use your imagination as to which two i actually cry at.

so what kind of crier are you? or don't you cry at all?

47 comments:

  1. If there's someone around, I usually laugh before I start crying. I don't know why. Maybe cause I'm nervous/embarassed?

    I;m not a pretty crier either. I remember crying in front of the mirror to see which category I fell into.

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  2. oh i cry. several times a week.
    1) i'm a huge sap. anything too adorable makes me lose my shit.
    2) i feel sorry for myself, which ends up with me laughing at myself and turns into a different kind of tears.
    3) work/stress/fat days
    4) watching ps i love you. (don't do it unless you want to sob uncontrollably).

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  3. I'm not a crier... Times I've cried in the last year-- my eyes always well up during extreme home makeover and stuff like I've only had one other crying episode this year.

    To be honest, I think it's because a few years back I had a fight with someone who was at the time very close to me and I BAWLED my eyes out... I know I looked like an idiot. Never again.

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  4. i was once told long ago (in high school) that i was a pretty-or fair-crier. then i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror mid-sob. yeah that person totally lied. my face contorts, my nose turns bright red as snot pours out. sssexy, no?

    i cried last night in fact....watching STEALING BEAUTY. i am a complete and utter sap.

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  5. On of my favorite slogans is "there's no crying in PR."

    I'm with maxie - not much of a crier, but Extreme Home Makeover gets me every time! Damn you Ty Pennington.

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  6. I'm a crier, for sure.

    I'm the crazy ugly crier. My face screws up, and my lips, eyes, and nose (!?) get red.

    It's not pretty. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to hide it from Mike.

    Nah.

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  7. I'm a crier at the usual things such as deaths, sad movies, and when someone is sick and might die.

    However, there was this one time when I first moved that I was watching the movie 13 Going On 30 with Jennifer Garner. And I Lost it. Not just a little bit. I started crying and couldn't stop for like 7 hours. I would get to be okay and then I would just start crying again. I basically had a melt down. Now I laugh when I see the movie because I can't for the life of me figure out why it made me feel the way it did that day! haha!!!

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  8. psssssh! I don't cry! I wrestle bears and chop firewood like a manly man should!... FUCK!... I just broke a nail!... *eyes being to tear up...*

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  9. It totally depends on the situation. I can go from pretty decent crier to fat-fugly tear crier

    Oy.

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  10. Boys don't cry. It is kind of like how girls don't poop but with our eyes.

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  11. im the kind of crier that keeps two spoons in her freezer at all times, to alleviate the puffy eyes in the morning.

    i seem to cry more the more i know myself. Ill cry at animal cruelty, leaving my boyfriends house, love stories, when im mad. its a nice outlet. better than, say...stabbing someone.

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  12. I am not a cute cryer. And I cry at way too many things - it's almost embarassing! I tear up at freakin sappy commercials and of course, Extreme Home Makeover. Every time.

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  13. I'm with you on the crying. I don't cry often, but when I do it's Hurricane Grace. The sobbing, can't breathe, mess... that's me. Complete with post-sob hiccups.

    Luckily it takes a massive meltdown to get me there... So usually 2x a year-ish.

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  14. I am slso not much of a cry baby. I don't (or can't) really cry at funerals or moments when you're supposed to be sad. Instead, my anger plays first string. But then I'll cry during "The Notebook" or after a really intense intimate encounter.

    Whatever all that means, Dr. Phil.

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  15. You are too funny. I cry so easily, it's not even funny (though always unexpected from people who don't know I'm a crier because I come off tough as nails!). I'm not a beautiful crier. I'm the type who tries to hold it in as long as possible, even though the croc tears are streaming down my face and I'm sniffling (which is impossible to mask).

    ((hugs))

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  16. I am the ugliest crier of all time.
    When I cry...and I mean REALLY cry, I look like I've just gotten my lips done and my face turns this bizarre orange-red color. So attractive.

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  17. Oh yeah, I am the worst kind. I look terrible for hours afterward. Hours I'm telling you.

    And I cry on a semi-regular basis too. Sometimes if I haven't for a while, I just need to and then I feel better. It definitely gets out toxins or something like that.

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  18. The voice crack always gives it away.

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  19. The voice crack always gives it away.

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  20. The last time I cried was a couple weeks ago when I had to cross over a boulder pathway over a 700 foot drop off on both sides. Think Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

    I hate heights and cried like a baby. I've never been much a crier, but I get chocked up a lot.

    Let it out..it'll only make you feel better.

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  21. I cried at the end of Growing Pains.

    Damn you Boner for going to the Army!

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  22. So funny. I'm a very ugly crier...red nose, puffy eyes, etc. Not pretty at all. Plus, its a running joke among my friends that I never cry at funerals...usually only when I feel sorry for myself.

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  23. I do something that I've long called 'the ugly cry'. It's the complete opposite of the 'movie star cry'. The one where your face is frozen but tears fall slowly. My cry is like... my face looks like I'm having a seizure, I'm splotchy and my eyes look like they've been lined with a red marker.

    Oh, and there's a serious runny nose issue.

    See? Ugly cry.

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  24. In my sorority, we called it the 'Ugle Girl Cry.' And I'm definitely an ugly girl crier. Like, woah.

    And whenever I cry, my nose inevitably runs out of control. It's pretty special.

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  25. I have the potential to be the most unattractive crier possible depending on how hard of a cry it is. . .

    Funerals and Goodbyes are what get me the most*

    -Kelly

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  26. Yep, that list covers it. I cry at everything. Hiccups and all.

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  27. I am guessing you cry only when the wine bottle is empty and Nordstroms does not have your shoe size because those are real tragedies in life. At least that is when I cry.

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  28. Im not an ugly crier, but I do get that way SOMETIMES.
    There's no crying in baseball! Props.

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  29. I don't cry a ton, but I do agree that for some reason sometimes a good cry is needed. For example: Monday night I went to rent a movie, and I kept being drawn to PS I love you. I got it, knowing full well it would make me sob (I was upset actually for a couple days when I saw it in the theater). So I rented it, cried even more this time...like I couldn't stop crying all night. Woke up with the puffies eyes ever and was in a total funk mood on Tuesday. I missed a meeting and everything..so not like me.

    But I feel better now!! :)

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  30. Typically i don't cry often, however lately it seems as if everything is setting me off. Movies. Tv shows. Commercials! I don't know. I'm all sorts of emotional for some reason.

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  31. When the water works turn on for my girlfriend, I don't know what to do. Women crying is men's kryptonite.

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  32. oh god, i'm a TERRIBLE crier. it's even worse when you're as pale as i am. the red blotchiness! oh, the red blotchiness. it's not good.

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  33. I could cry on a daily basis, I'm sure of it.

    I certainly teared yesterday while watching the DNC.
    I cried this morning, while discussing something not even remotely emotional.

    Sometimes I think it just depends on my hormones. Some weeks, a silly movie will make me cry and other weeks that movie leaves me completely dry-eyed.

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  34. if i have a good long cry i look like hell afterwards. my eyes always get red and puffy, it is not a pretty sight, haha.

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  35. If i have a non-deep cry, then I look okay and can pull myself together after, but when the deep, all consuming cry comes in, I'm a f*cking mess. Like a tranny caught out in the rain bad. My face looks more like the joker.

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  36. I can't cry gracefully. end of story.

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  37. aw, im sorry you've been teary lately and hope whatever it is that was making you sad is getting better.

    oh, and the ugly cry, i know it well. that's me. i cant keep it together when im crying. and im forever a lip biter in an attempt to TRY to hold it in. never works. and it's the first clue in one of those situations that im about to bus.

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  38. I've been doing too much crying this week. I'm an ugly crier when people are around. If boyfriend was with me, I'd be crying because he's seen me cry and it just frustrates me so it's an ugly cry. Ugh, it's bad.

    I hope your not feeling sad anymore. Email or gtalk if you need to. For serious.

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  39. I cry.

    Usually when my "red haired cousin" comes to visit once a month!

    (I was in the Facebook Blog Network neighborhood and thought I'd stop by and say "Hi".)

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  40. I like to hope that I'm a beautiful crier, but I know better.

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  41. I am one damn uglier crier, and I cry really easily. My face gets all twisted, my nose starts running, my tears flush out any eye boogies I had, I look like the tragic drama mask only worse, and I usually don't have a tissue, so my hands have to wipe my tears and my nose, then my face gets all weird from that.

    When I watch movies, I cry whenever someone onscreen cries. I can't help it.

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  42. Oh damn, if someone asked me what kind of crier I was--I felt like you just said it for me. I'm the latter. I have eyes that will turn bright red, swell, concealer will run (mascara doesn't due to waterproof), my nose looks like Rudolph, my upper lip gets a slight redness along the edge and I never have a hankie. Then the nose starts to run. Crap.

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  43. I don't believe the first type of crier exists.
    Also? I'll take your red lips and up you to hyperventilating... because that's how I roll when I cry.

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  44. I've been called Rudolph (the red-nosed reindeer) when I cry. My eyes and nose get bright red and last for at least 5 hours. And then I become Asian for another day because my puffy eyes just don't go back to normal!

    If I cry, EVERYONE can tell. It's so frustrating. I can never be the normal girl that cries quietly to herself. :-(

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  45. I always try and be dainty...but it never happens. I've cried TOO Much in the past 3 weeks...needless to say I try and avoid putting on makeup unless I need to. You never know when I'll burst into tears screaming "Why did he do this to me!!!!!!??????" yeah...that's when I become the slobbering, crazy crier...fun.

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