my hips don't lie

Thursday, September 25, 2008

so i have a couple of bum hips.

you wouldn't know this by looking at me, i can still run, jump, skip, do cartwheels and shake my booty at old school hip hop night this weekend.

but when i was 12 years old i had three 6 inch screws drilled into my left hip bone to stop it from slipping out of socket. the surgery fixed the problem and i got a huge scar out of it that i still to this day think is super sweet. bonus.

then i come to find out that i need this surgery done to my right hip as well. bummer.

but being the selfish 12 year old that i was i lied and said that it didn't hurt anymore so that i didn't have to get the surgery all over again. i was about to enter junior high - the last thing i wanted was to be on crutches another 3 more months.

fast forward fifteen years. my right hip that i should have gotten surgery on pretty much constantly aches. so much so that it hurts to do simple things like oh, walk.

but being the badass that i am i completely ignore the pain and carry on with my life. i just don't have time.

but once the sharp pains down my leg started i figured i should probably make an appointment with a specialist at the cleveland clinic.

that appointment was today.

basically my doctor compared my right hip to a tire. it has a certain amount of miles left on it till it needs to be replaced.

and since i'm not an 80 year old grandma there is something called hip resurfacing that will need to happen within the next 5 to 10 years. and when that wears away, which it will, i'll have to have a full hip replacement in my 60's. awesome.

but here's the clincher, i can't have the surgery till i am done having kids. so it looks like i have a time limit on my baby making.

no pressure.

of course i started crying. the doctor looked at me completely deadpanned all tom hanks like and said, "are you crying? there's no crying in orthopedics." as he handed me a tissue.

i immediately started to laugh.

well reality has sunk in, and there's nothing i can do to stop me from having this surgery. if i do lose weight it'll help with some of the pain but the arthritis has already sunk in.

my doctor told me to take tylenol arthritis till i can get the surgery.

hmmm. maybe i am an 80 year old woman!


  1. My 80 yr old back and knees were wondering if you wanted to go piss off the nurses at the Nursing Home

  2. oh no! :(
    i bet i could get my hands on something a little stronger than tylenol arthritis for ya if ya know what i mean...

  3. wtf! so you have to be in pain until you have the surgery, but you have to have kids before you have the surgery? BOO. seems like they should be able to figure something else out!

  4. Clay Aiken could always be the father if you wanted to get started right now.

  5. freeze eggs...

    and i can send you some tylenol-3. i'm pretty sure its illegal to send that through the mail, but whatevs!

  6. Oh NO. This sounds like something wine won't cure, thus I have no suggestions. :-( Sorry for being worthless.

  7. Wow, that kind of sucks! I'm sorry - especially since I have no advice. :-(

  8. There you go lex! Must get to the gym, get fit/lose weight, find boy, make baby, fix hips. I will help you and I love you. Call me.

  9. I'm sorry about your bum hip. But do you get a handicap sticker for your car? Or preferred seating on the bus?

  10. Oh, wow. This is so tough, but you are so strong.

  11. I was just wrestling with trying to decide if I should get the pins in my ankle out or not. This post just put that all in a little perspective.

  12. Scars are cool. I have a Tiny Fey scar and I tell people I was in a knife fight.

  13. Ouch a resurfacing sounds painful. I am sorry about your hip!

  14. That must be so hard on you!

    At least it's not that you can't have kids, that would kill me.

    Start the hubby-hunt!


  15. Ouch, ouch, I'm sorry about your hip. At least your doctor's kinda funny (to look on the bright side).

  16. Wow, I'm sorry about that. Although I did laugh out loud to the doc's joke too.

  17. Damn that sucks. I have bad knees but I can't imagine having to get a hip replacement now. Since you have arthritis do you feel it in your bones when a storm is approaching? I do


  18. Sorry for your hip, but you've got to love that doctor. I wonder if he says that all the time, or he has been waiting 10 years for someone to cry so he could say that. :)

  19. Awww honey. I'm sorry. It's never fun to hear bad news. Even if you kind of knew it was coming. Don't be hard on yourself. You are living a full life. If you want to have children, you'll find a way. Whether it's traditionally in a marriage, non-traditionally out of wedlock or through adoption. One day you will have kids running all over your life. Just don't rush it before you're really ready!

  20. Oh, WOW.

    This is insane, Alexa.

    I'm so sorry.

    I can't even IMAGINE what it'd be like to make those kinds of decisions. (At least if you DO have kids - you can tell them this story and scare them out of being selfish and not getting preventative surgery. A tiny silver lining, perhaps?)

  21. That sucks. But bonus: when my grandmother had her hips replaced they were like awesome bionic hips. Maybe you'll be like that liquid metal guy from Terminator 2!

  22. A typical hip replacement/revision lasts only about 15 years...

    I actually negotiate prices of hip implants. Thats what I do for a real job...

    Femoral resurfacing isn't a bad surgery to tell ya, I dont think the total hip replacement is that bad either. You'll see.

  23. Okay, I've never had any replacements on anything (yet) but I throw my back out like it's my job! Literally. My senior year in college, I threw it out 3 1 semester.

    Maybe we can get neighboring chairs at the nursing home.

  24. do you wanna make babies with me?

    we can have blogger babies and they will be awesome.

    you can take care of them cause you know how I feel about children and all-- but i'm just puttin it out there.

  25. That sucks!

    But look at it this way. . . you have a max of 10 years. That's TEN years to do all that stuff and by then, you'll be ready to settle down and have kids because you've lived your life, you know??

    And it could be worse. It could be something say in a year that needed to be fixed. You have 5-10 years! :)

  26. This makes me realize how much I take my own health for granted. And such a profound decision to force you to make, on top of everything!

  27. Oh no! That's no good!
    At least the doc has a sense of humor, though. That quote would have made me smile, too.


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