mess, party of one.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

last year's thanksgiving brought a new member to my family's festivities.

my sisters boyfriend - my younger sister.

now while this may not seem like a big deal to the average reader it was a HUGE deal in my family. my sister lives in manhattan and bringing her boyfriend home with her to canton for the holiday to participate in not one but two family dinners was quite the event.

being that i've never had a boy come to thanksgiving dinner and i am three years older than her kind of caused me unexpectedly to become a bit emotional. enjoying yet another family meal full of questions about my non-existent love life was something i was not looking forward to.

early in the afternoon i realized that the best way to cope with said emotions was to drink copious amounts of wine.

now i may have a bit of a reputation for being a party girl, but not around my family. for whatever reason family dinners and holidays are my nights off. so once i downed my third glass of wine before 3pm i knew 2007's thanksgiving was going to be a treat for everyone involved.

the first meal at my aunt's house went off relatively without a hitch but walking into my cousins house for the second meal i may or may not have been 27 sheets to the wind.

"yeah, yeah sissy's boyfriend is awesome. ain't love grand? where's the wine?"

upon sitting down at the dining room table, after the thanksgiving day prayer, the mad rush to pass the food began.

my little cousin jenna asks me to pass the potatoes to her across the table. no biggie right?

wrong.

upon passing the spuds my sleeve glides over a lit candle...

catching my shirt ON FIRE - in the middle of thanksgiving dinner.

the sad thing is, i was so full of turkey and wine i didn't even realize i was on fire. my cousin jenna had to tell me.

instead of freaking out and stop, dropping and rolling - i literally looked at my currently on fire sleeve and started laughing. a full bellied stoner-esque laugh (think beavis and butt-head), taking my good 'ol time in putting out the flame.

members of my family had either one of two reactions.
1. laughing till they cried, or
2. complete and utter pity for the single drunk girl

here's hoping that i don't light any of my garments on fire this thanksgiving.

i should be okay though. sissy won't be bringing her boyfriend home this year - they broke up.

mwahahahaha

i'm so evil.

44 comments:

  1. funniest thanksgiving ever:)

    ...but you left ot the part where i made you cryy?!?! haha

    cya thursday lexaa

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  2. Now THIS is how I think thanksgiving dinner is supposed to be like, you always need one who just had a tad bit much too drink

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  3. This needs to be made into a holiday movie :D

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  4. um jenna - what are you doing leaving me comments at 12:44AM on a school night. shouldn't you be sleeping miss sophomore in high school? ; )

    and i totally forgot about you making me cry - must have blocked out the memory kid. see you thursday xoxo

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  5. What a hot mess you must have been. You're hilarious (even though the story has a sad ring to it). At least this year you'll be back to normal!

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  6. Did you like the shirt?

    Only you could've done that by the way.

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  7. By the way, I'm still pissed you won the blog makeover.

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  8. Maybe you should institute a no candle rule?

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  9. Sissy maybe this year we BOTH can drink too much wine!... and pie! I have no shame in wearing elastic pants

    Love you!

    see you tomorrow!!!!!

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  10. Oh my gosh. That's horrible and hilarious.

    Here's to a fire-free Thanksgiving. :)

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  11. Hahaha. Loved the ending of this. Evil is fun.

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  12. You caught on fire?!?!

    I don't know if I should laugh.. but I think it's kinda funny

    but only cuz you didn't get hurt!

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  13. Her sleeve wasn't next to her skin, it was flared and hanging down. We had plenty of time to put the fire out....haha.

    XOXO

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  14. Wow! You just topped all of my family drunk stories. I'm impressed! And please, drink lots of wine on Thanksgiving...do it for me.

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  15. All I can say is I wish I had been there.

    Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

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  16. Wow, setting fire is never the way to go. You could do what I did last year at Christmas right after I broke up with my boyfriend and my 3-years-younger sister brought her boyfriend to dinner. I played nice all evening, and then I went upstairs and cried for an hour. But that's just because there was no wine in the house, per usual.

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  17. It sounds like you've already learned this lesson, but it is very difficult to just blend in with the scenery when you're on fire. Self-immolation tends to draw a crowd.

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  18. Ahhhh, don't catch fire on Saturday!

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  19. i don't know if it's possible?, but i heart you even more after sharing this gem.

    happy turkey (and wine!) day!

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  20. christmas 2004 - i knock a candle over and light the table cloth on fire.

    thanksgiving 2006 - i reach across a the table and light my hair on fire. burning hair smell ruined several appetites.

    i've lit my hair on fire several other times. i need a buzz cut or something.

    basically, we're a match made in hell.

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  21. That usually happens to my dad. the fire and bringing the boyfriend home.

    Zing!

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  22. Oh, I've TOTALLY pulled the drunk girl at family holiday routine. Not pretty. Then there was the year we had dinner at a very nice restaurant with all of my parents friends and their kids home from college and my mother and I both proceeded to get totally sh#tfaced. I think I ate someone else's lobster off their plate. We've not been invited back.

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  23. Okay. So we all know that when it rains it pours. You're nearing the edge of the Sahara!

    Actually, I read your post early this morning and thought about how none of mine are worthy of the Thanksgiving dinner. That's something to make you feel better, right?

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  24. Holey hell. Now, theres a story. I've been all kinds of drunk...But I can say I've never been on fire and didn't know it drunk!
    Props!

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  25. HA, this is hilarious! I love your evil spirit. We would get along a little TOO well, methinks...

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  26. I hope someone besides me catches on fire at our Thanksgiving this year.

    Not in a fatal way, mind you. Just in a "haha, hope you didn't like that shirt" way.

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  27. I'd definitely bring a boy home for Thanksgiving here, but there's no way in HELL I'd miss out on my family's Thanksgiving and go to HIS family's dinner. No way in HELL.

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  28. Hilarious! That sounds like something I'd do. In fact I imagine it's only a matter of time before I catch myself on fire. Maybe this year will be my year.

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  29. Haha -- my sister and I *always* end up drinking waay too much wine together at any given holiday event, helps keep us sane ;) Our relatives just expect it by now. . .

    I'm surprised that something similar hasn't happened to one of us yet*

    -Kelly

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  30. LOL. I drink before going to functions with my extended family, its the only way to deal with them. I literally laughed out loud at the part where you caught your sleeve on fire and just lauged. Something I would do.

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  31. i would have been in on the laughing side of that one, that's hilarious. but please, no more burning clothes. :)

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  32. Haha. I'm in the same boat, but I have yet to set myself on fire. And my younger sister broke up with her husband (but is expecting her loser boyfriend's child). AND! My other younger sister is also pregnant. Then there's me, the old maid. Good thing I'm in charge of the wine this year!

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  33. If it makes you feel better, my brother proposed to his girlfriend on Thanksgiving. Try following that!

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  34. Shut up!

    Why are you stories so awesome?

    My sister has constant rotating door of (different!) guys coming through the our family gatherings.

    I didn't bring a guy for a holiday dinner until I was engaged. So there.

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  35. I am sorry that I laughed at you getting caught on fire.

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  36. Seriously that is the best thing I've ever heard. But really, there is no better time than family events to drink. How else are you going to get through it?

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  37. HAHA!! I am usually the drunk one at family events, but I have never caught on fire.

    Maybe this year will be my year that I do.

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  38. This is basically the best Thanksgiving story I've read, by far. Thanks!

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  39. My little brother got married last year. Yep. I drank my face off. I managed to not set anything on fire though!

    This is a fab story!

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  40. hahaha oh my gosh! be careful this year okay?

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  41. Oh, wow. I seriously hope you didn't light yourself on fire this year. And while it wasn't funny at the time, it's really amusing now. Right?

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