the one with the transvestite

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

when i worked for scene magazine (the REAL scene magazine, not the weird free times/scene hybrid) as a house account manager a large portion of my job consisted of me driving all over northeast ohio picking up money weekly for my clients advertisements.

i had to go to all sorts of interesting places from nice restaurants and dive bars to music venues and strip clubs. hey, even christie's cabaret needs to advertise sometimes.

and no, they didn't pay me in dollar dollar bills y'all.

at times i had clients that would only be available to cut a check after "normal" work hours or on the weekends, it was just part of the job.

two years ago on new years eve was one of those instances.

i had made a trip to shoptalk lingerie in maple heights to collect some money - the store was basically an adult toy store in a not so good neighborhood. i was friendly with the owner so we were chatting about how i was spending my NYE and how i really didn't want to go out with my friends. i was standing on one side of the counter when a customer came up wanting to get rung up.

an awesome drag queen customer to make it that much better.

i moved aside browsing through some items, waiting for rupaul to finish up. once she left i went back to chatting with the owner when i noticed that my car keys that were on the counter were gone.

but it wasn't just my car keys it was my wallet that was attached to my car keys too. my grandmother had bought me a louis vuitton monogram key chain/wallet which was attached to my car keys. oh and it had $160 cash in it, my license and all of my credit cards.

i panicked and ran out into the parking lot just knowing that my car was going to be gone just like my wallet. thankfully that wasn't the case.

but i was stuck at 7:30pm on new years ever in maple heights with no car keys, identification or money.


poo poo, who was still my roommate at the time, had yet to leave for the party so she delivered me my spare car key as i waited to file the police report. i was fuming but there wasn't anything i could do about it.

i had to buy a new car key, a new apartment key and you know damn straight i bought another louis vuitton key chain. this time i didn't scream LV though - red epi leather ftw!

this NYE instance was just another example of why i hate new years eve. for those of you who know me by now you get that i love to go out, party and have a good time but i just can't enjoy it on new years eve.

confession: i haven't gone out on new years eve in four years!

here's hoping that next year i'll have someone to ring in the new year with.

who needs a title

Sunday, December 28, 2008

being the over achiever that my little sister is, she planned a scavenger hunt for our family and some of my cousin jenna's friends on saturday.

and it was such a blast! we had a list of 100 things to try to do, we had 5 teams of 4 and three hours to do it. there was prize money on the line and my team of myself, tia-jo, lauren and alicia were going to do whatever it took to win.

and we thought we were too, that is until we lost by ONE POINT. we were robbed!

we did everything from grocery store cart joisting, having a pillow fight in public,
climbing on a roof to take a picture, hug a cop, drink dunkin' donuts coffee in a starbucks and even piercing my ear. i friggin' put a third hole in my right ear in a mall kiosk. hilarious.

don't worry, i took it out after a couple of hours after i got the five bonus point of course.

but even if we did lose, it was a hilarious way to spend a saturday afternoon. so much so that i am going to plan an adult version of the scavenger hunt for my friends in cleveland within the upcoming months.

saturday night i headed back up to cleveland for dinner at the rock with muffin, her sister erin, the klutz and her sister ginenne - MY sister was supposed to come too but she blew me off to play in a GOYA basketball alumni game. witch.

after dinner we stopped at liquid for a hot sec and then headed to touch supper club for my favorite monthly party old school hip hop night with djs terry urban and mick boogie. i know i have written about this party before on my blog, because i'm like the party's personal cheerleader. by the way, it's on the last saturday of every month - sooooooo i'll see you in january?

the ladies - can you tell who the sisters are? ha.

mick and terry doing what they do best.

muffin, mick boogie and erin

the only bad thing that happened at touch was that the screen of my camera somehow got jacked, hope my warrenty covers it.

as for this evening i actually just got home from dinner at waterstreet with MOB and seeing valkyrie with her and the jerk. my recommendation of the movie? skip it. go spend you money on the curious case of benjamin button - which i loved.

have another great short week lovies.

p.s. this is my 300th post - holy crap!

christmas in photos

Friday, December 26, 2008

i hope that everyone had a great holiday whether you were celebrating the birth of baby jesus or spinning a dradle.

for myself it was a great time with my ever crazy and entertaining family. words can't really give christmas eve and christmas day any justice so pictures will have to do.

christmas eve my mom hosts 25 people at our home for food, drinks and presents. i love my house my mom's house during christmas.

my cousin marissa helping us get the food ready, shake that sauce lady.

some of the family, suzanne, sissy, jenna, tia-jo, and peter

my lovely sissy and my cousins jay, pete, kristen and marissa

my cousin suzanne and her twin girls nicolette and natalie

our family friends and old neighbors the helterbran's. open your eyes dennis!

criseyda and graceyn enjoying present time

the nicolette's grubbing on the amazing food spread

this years christmas eve we brought back the adult gift exchange and it was unexpectedly hilarious, probably because of the bottles of wine i consumed - but we had a great time.

i had my cousin cathi in the exchange and while i may be known for giving great gifts i'm not known for wrapping. i HATE wrapping. i actually paid my sister this year to wrap my presents.

but because i waited till the last minute to get cathi's gift i had to do it myself and this is what i came up with...

cathi and the ugliest gift wrapping job ever. pathetic, i know.

the ugly ribbon and the orange tissue with the turquoise put it over the top doesn't it? or is it the crease on the bottom? i'm so proud of myself. hey, at least she liked the presents inside!


christmas morning i wake up with a glass of wine on my nightstand, a wicked case of dry mouth and two missed calls from one of my very best friends teen, and it was only 10am. so i'm going through my merry christmas text messages before my voicemails when my phone rings and it is teen - again.

i groggily answer and i can just sense the happiness in her voice when she wishes me merry christmas. i shoot out of bed and scream you are f@cking engaged aren't you!?!?! i was right, and i'm honored to be a bridesmaid in her wedding whenever she picks the date.

congrats teen - i love you!

christmas day we head over to my aunt (tia-jo) and uncle's house for dinner, where the eating binge continues but we upped our wine level with multiple bottles of opus one - which is exactly what wine is supposed to taste like.

for dinner we had creepy larger than life sized santa watching over us. he still creeps me and small children out year after year.

tia-jo and sissy - this santa gives me nightmares

another christmas day tradition is party poppers at each place setting. the popper contains a toy surprise and a crown - which must be worn through out dinner. classy.

my cousins suzanne, peter, john and criseyda

unfortunately i didn't take nearly enough pictures on christmas day. but to sum it up, santa was good to me and my family is awesome. also, when playing celebrities my mother likes to say shit when she doesn't know the answer - a lot.

today i just got back from seeing the curious case of benjamin button (totally go see it) and i'm stay in for the night because i'm participating in a scavenger hunt on saturday (so excited) and then dinner and dancing with my friends at night (so so so excited).

hope everyone is enjoying their hopefully long weekend - and i love that tomorrow is only saturday!

i think lost him at "see-ya freak!"

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

i have been approached a couple of times in my blog career to do a book review, but frankly i haven’t been all that interested the book topics that have been made available to me.

that is until i was approached by a nice lady who sent me details on a new book titled, You Lost Him At Hello: a saleswoman’s secrets to closing the deal with any guy you want.

being a single gal and having a lot of single readers and friends i figured i would take one for the team and find out all of the book author jess mccann’s secrets.

“sign me up!”

when the book came in the mail i had the package open and sitting on my kitchen counter. when my roommate the klutz came home i saw her flipping through the book. “what is this all about? i think i need to read this!”, she said. 

see i was right, single girls really are on a need to know basis when it comes to how to snag a man, (really? did i just say snag?).

now normally i’m a bit hesitant about “self-help” books, but the title just simply had me at hello. 

see what i did there? 

having been an excellent saleswoman (i have the plaques to prove it), i felt that the saleswoman’s approach to closing a deal with a man would be pretty fundamental sales skills and i was right. but what is common knowledge to me isn’t to others so in that respect i feel that the book could be really helpful to some ladies out there.

the You Lost Him at Hello book basics:

  1. you are your own product. know and love it. (and don’t forget the packaging ladies!)
  2. it’s important to prospect successfully (get new leads, if the same guys you see out every weekend aren’t biting now, they probably won’t be biting anytime in the near future)
  3. keep your sales funnel full. (it’s a numbers game, the more options you have the better your odds for success)
  4. pick up on a man’s buying signs (they are subtle, so stay sharp – if he’s interested you’ll more often than not know he is)
  5. when closing the “deal” don’t ever assume, and be prepared for buyer’s remorse (ouch!)
  6. no doesn't mean no, it means next – if it doesn’t work out, carry on people, carry on.

throughout the extremely easy to read book the author's likability shines through. plus there are a lot of funny and endearing stories that i found i could relate to. not in the ah-ha light bulb kind of way but in the no shit kind of way.

i.e. don’t be too needy, duh. don’t angry drunk dial, duh. being too eager and anxious won’t get you anywhere, duh. read: common sense. but saying that, sometimes everyone need a little refresher course 101 style.

but before i let myself get too cocky with my sales knowledge and all my so called common sense let's reflect a little on my current situation. here i am 28 and single with zero prospects in my funnel. 

hmmm, maybe I need to read this book again....

[for a couple other takes on this book, be sure to check out my blog friends so@24 and brandy’s review on the same book.]

the eight minute blog

Sunday, December 21, 2008


so the weekend was good, spent all of it at home in canton with my family and friends.

friday night was dinner at primo's in downtown canton with my mom, sister, yiayia (grandma) and thea (aunt) eros. i haven't gushed about a restaurant on this blog in awhile but seriously this traditional italian restaurant is the best i have ever been to and i am NOT exaggerating. i can't wait to go back again.

once i get all the garlic out of my system.

after dinner my sissy and i met up with my friends at legend's in north canton so we could sip up some stoli. i don't think i took any pictures from the evening. hold on, let me look...

yeah, no pictures. fail.

saturday we saw seven pounds and really enjoyed it, balled my eyes out but really enjoyed it. i finished up all of my christmas shopping as well on saturday. finished up meaning started AND finished within a five hour period.

but everything i did on saturday was just biding time till a midnight showing of the greatest christmas movie of all time
home alone.

seeing home alone on the big screen with twelve members of my family was such a treat. gosh i love that movie! love.

ok, so i know this post well, blows - don't lie to yourself, or me. but unfortunately it's almost 7:30 on sunday night and i have a crap load of stuff to prep for work tomorrow.

it's going to be a busy two and a half days of work before the christmas break, but the end is in sight.

by the way, this blog was written in eight minutes. it think that's a record for me.

have a good week everyone, thankfully it's a short one.

featured blogger friday v12

Friday, December 19, 2008

the blogger that i am featuring this week (with a couple of new questions!) is probably the smartest blogger i read, sorry everyone else - he wins. but he's not smart in the steve urkel kind of way because he's the wickedly funny kind of smart, original, extremely creative and cute.

yes cute - i'm in junior high apparently.

i haven't been reading him as long as i have some of my other favorites but i was quickly hooked with his witty humor, sweet photoshop skills and pinch of self deprecation - oh, and did i mention he was cute?

ok fine, i'll stop with the cute thing. i don't want his princess to come to cleveland and put a restraining order out on me.

the last time that happened it didn't end well....... kidding.

ok enough jibber jabber, time to read a blogger who is way better than me.

who are you and what is your blog?

My "name" is Arjewtino and I blog at My name is a portmanteau (or mishmash, for the unpretentious) of the fact that I was born in Argentina and am Jewish.

See what I did there?

where are you typing from?

Washington, DC. Well, actually a DC suburb in Maryland but that sounds lamer.

I am sitting on my couch at home, wearing pajamas and a blue hoodie, watching a rerun of "Friends", and typing on my five-year-old Dell that Just Won't Die.

how long have you been blogging and what platform do you use?

I have been blogging since July 2006 but hope to retire sometime in the next 50 years. I use Wordpress and don't understand why anyone would use Blogger. Ahem.

sum up your piece of the internet in one sentence.

I have been called a jerkface three separate times by three separate people this week. One of them was my boss.

That sums me up pretty well.

are you an anonymous blogger or do you scream who you are from the rooftop?

I am semi-anonymous, meaning that I post photos of myself but I don't use my real name.

Actually, I just wanted to say "semi".

if you could become famous from blogging like dooce would you want to?

In a heartbeat. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or has much too high self-esteem.

so you just drank a bottle of wine alone and you’re sitting at your computer, who are the three bloggers that you email or google talk with?

If I were drinking a bottle of wine alone I wouldn't be blogging, I would be looking for my uterus.

Now, if I were drinking a bottle of whiskey alone, I would probably be bugging Shiftless Badger, ePod, and Josh.

how many blogs are in your google reader?

128. But only 17 of them are sex blogs.

If you had $1000 to spend and could only buy one item, what would you buy?

A Canon EF 100mm f/2.8 USM Macro Len. I love photography and also have a photo blog.

I would use the leftover $500 to visit my grandma in Buenos Aires.

what’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

When I was 10, I was getting undressed in my room and hadn't noticed that two teenage girls could see me through an open window. Naked, I jumped for the window to draw the curtains as they ran away laughing.

More recently, I decided to wear THIS for Halloween.

top three favorite movies from your childhood.

Back to the Future
Annie (what? I had a crush on the girl who played Annie)

you have can only listen to one band/solo artist for the rest of your life, who would it be?

Pearl Jam. I don't care what people think.

name something random that i could find if i was snooping through your purse/wallet?

I am very proud that I carry the thinnest wallet I have ever seen, the anti-George Costanza wallet.

Aside from thousands of dollars in cash, the most random thing in there is probably my dental insurance card. Joke's on them, I don't even use it!

link to a funny you tube video you like.

I like making up new lyrics to established songs, so this video cracks me up everytime.

wanna share a secret with me, i promise i won’t tell… <-- that’s a lie, but tell me something anyways.

I hate drinking water out of a straw. I think it's disgusting. I try not to tell too many people that. It's pretty controversial.

what’s the hardest thing about coming up with something interesting to blog about day after day after day?

Not enough time to write a decent post. My stupid employer expects me to "earn my paycheck" and "not use company computers for personal use".

Blogging would be so much easier without a job.

if you could trade places with one blogger for one day who would it be and why?

When you say "trade places", I imagine inhabiting someone else's body, like Fred Savage and Judge Reinhold did in Vice Versa.

Under that logic, I would "trade places" with White Collar Redneck, for two reasons:

(1) He can grow an awesome beard.

(2) He lives in Cleveland so then I would be able to meet you.

who’s your blog crush?

Let me pick two bloggers, one female and one male to make things fair.

My female blogger crush is Smash, who is hysterical, self-deprecating, and unafraid to post embarrassing photos and stories of herself.

My male blogger crush is Ken, who's an amazing photographer who continuously captures impressive photos. He can take the most ordinary situation and make it look incredible. I envy that.

parting words of wisdom?

Always start sentences with "Like I always say..." and you will sound smarter than you really are.

And never be afraid to get absurdly naked for humor.

holiday giveaway - winners!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

thanks to all 123 (!) of you that entered my holiday giveaway this year i really appreciate it and i wish i could give out 123 pairs of comfy KN socks but alas i can only giveaway four.

i used the trusty and came up with the following four numbers which i attached to the corresponding comment number. i know, rocket science - that's why i get paid the big bucks.

congratulations to the winners!

#59 - noelle from the daily tannenbaum

#78 - jamie from oh! how lovely!

#5 - elizabeth from the spotted ottoman

#65 - fizzgig from it's all about me, deal with it!

if you guys can please email me (clevelandsaplum @ gmail . com) your contact information i will get your KN cupcake feet treats in the mail to you asap!

thanks again to everyone who entered!

GLBC holiday tour

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

my holiday party this year was nothing like last years, but it was still just as fun.

basically my team took a group field trip to great lakes brewing company to get a tour of the facility and see how they make their amazing brews.

we learned lots of interesting facts, like did you know they use
600 pounds of honey when making one batch (75 kegs) of christmas ale? crazy.

this like cooks the beer or something - i forget exactly.

this is the tube that all the beer get filtered through, it's pretty sweet to see.

kegs were everywhere!

some of my coworkers with a giant bottle of beer

oh look - it opens! coolest cooler EVER.

after the tour we all settled in at the GLBC cellar for food, drinks and the thundee awards! just like the dundee awards a la the office but with my company's twist.

i was presented with the thundee award for the biggest social internet butterfly - perfect award for me huh?

some of the group with their thundee awards.

it was a great party, fun was had by all. and i have now realized that dancing on a table should be mandatory at all holiday parties.

[don't forget, you have until midnight tonight to leave your comment and get entered into my holiday giveaway!]

look out tree!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

tonight is my work holiday party.

now i can imagine one would think that it stinks being on a work night but in all reality i am glad it is because it will cause me to not over drink and get caught up in the debauchery that was last years holiday function. it is a school night after all.

i'm very lucky to have a job that i love and work with a great group of people which causes work functions to be pretty damn fun - sometimes too much fun.

for example for last years holiday party my bosses got a party bus and the whole company hopped in on a friday afternoon and headed to erie, pennsylvania to go party at one of our clients restaurants.

the bus was stocked with adult beverages and i may or may not have polished off a bottle of wine during the hour and a half trip that consisted of games and prizes. when we got to the irish pub in quaint downtown erie, pa we ate, we drank, shot irish car bombs and sampled whiskey, getting a little rambunctious. you'll have that with our group.

towards the end of the evening i ran out of cigarettes and decided to walk myself to the corner store and pick up another pack. i stumble into the store and get in line.

and wait.

and wait.

still waiting...

i didn't have anything else to do while waiting so i chatting up with the people around me in line. these people were interesting to say the least. but i was drunk in a random small town far away from home, what did i know?

so 25 minutes passes and i was thinking to myself, wow this must be a hopping corner store - how long can it really take to buy a pack of parliment ultra lights? when i finally get to be second in line the young lady in front of me turns and asks me a question....

"would you hold my baby for a second?"

"um, um, sure - i guess", taking the 6 month old little girl.

the first thought that went through my head was that this broad was going to bolt and leave me with the baby. thankfully when she was done she took the kid back.

i think my mouth was still open in awe when i stepped up to the counter and ordered my cigs. the guy working the counter looked at me blankly and said ma'am this is the welfare check cashing line - you need to step down to the register to the right.

craaaaaaaaaaaaap - no wonder it was taking so long. guess i was a tink more inebriated than i thought.

so finally after holding a baby and standing in the PA welfare line i got what i went to the corner store for. i started to head back to the bar to meet up with the group - who thought i had been kidnapped in erie because i took so long.

eventually it was time to head back to cleveland so we all boarded the party bus having a singing and dance-off party all the way back to ohio. did i mention i work with ridiculously fun people?

next stop the lava lounge in tremont where there was chilled patron and my friends georgia peach and nameless to come pick me up and take me home.

stick a fork in me, i was done.

but not before i tackled a christmas tree on w 9th - i'll end it with that.

[don't forget to enter my holiday giveaway, the last day to enter is this wednesday!]

you did what with a toilet seat?

Monday, December 15, 2008

the weekend was fun. yada yada yada. blah blah blah. ho ho ho.

i ended up blowing off three holiday parties (sorry if yours was one of them!) - choosing to hang out with all my girls at beaver's condo in westlake. we had lots of food and wine which in my book makes the party.

also, the bar around the corner from beavers - dover gardens tavern - may be my new favorite dive bar. but next time i go, there better not be any fights with my friends over this GD blog. it's not worth it.

i know some of you out there got to witness my not so smart passive aggressive 3am blog post in your google reader prior to my deleting it sunday morning. that was my bad, but i guess you'll have that.

let's talk about the happy times shall we?

all the ladies, minus me - (l to r) babs, muffin, MOB, the giff, poo poo, beaver, nor-ah, georgia peach, the klutz and martha

martha is tall, but when you put her in muffin's 5 inch high heels she's a giant!

poo poo bought beaver a toilet seat new necklace/wine holder for christmas

don't worry, the toilet seat hadn't been used - yet.

also baby announcements and congratulations are in order for two of my friends who recently had babies! to william alan and aubrey lynn welcome to the world you are both lucky to have some pretty awesome parents : )

have a good week everyone.


Friday, December 12, 2008

if a boy that you like has a girlfriend, wait for it...

he doesn't like you.

if a boy that you like punches you playfully on the shoulder...

he doesn't like you in the way you want him to like you.

if a boy that you like constantly is asking about one of your friends, wait for it...

he doesn't like you.

if a boy that you like doesn't ask you out...

guess what?

he doesn't like you.

yeah, that's what i've always thought.

so what exactly is that book/soon to be movie titled?

he's just not that into you...

yeah, that's it.

wake up ladies!

oops, i forgot the brown paper bag

Thursday, December 11, 2008

tuesday night while at a fundraiser for the amazing providence house, i walked up to the bar and something unexpected happened...

i was carded.

to remind you all - i'm 28. i may act like i'm 22 sometimes but i definitely look my age, or so i thought.

upon getting carded i giggled and showed my ID while saying out loud awkwardly to the people around me, "wow, i haven't been carded in years!"

mmm hmm.

it got me thinking though.

how is it that i could buy jack daniel's lynchberg lemonade four packs, boone's farm strawberry hill and a 12 pack of red dog when i was the ripe age of 16 at the corner drive-thru but now as an adult was getting carded.

i mean nothing screams an underage drinker like boone's farm.

yet they sold it to me and my friends consistently.

looking back now i don't understand how someone could ever sell me alcohol. i didn't even have a fake ID till i was in college (sorry mom), and these shop owners blatantly sold alcohol and cigarettes to 16 year old kids with braces.

is it still this easy these days? gosh i hope not.

my future children are never leaving the house.


[editors note: happy 16th birthday to my little cousin jenna! don't you dare drink a sip of alcohol until you are 21 - or until you are at least in college and with me.]

[editors note 2.0: i was a good kid, didn't get in any real trouble just had friends whose parents were always out of town. teenagers experiment - i'm not condoning underage drinking.]

ode to christmas ale

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

if you know anything about beer and cleveland's own great lakes brewing company (GLBC) you have heard of the famous christmas ale.

it's famous in my area for a few reasons:

1. it's only brewed seasonally (making it a hot commodity)
2. it tastes really good (and i don't even care for beer)
3. who doesn't love christmas?!?
4. it gets you ridiculously drunk (not that i would know anything about that)

now to the people out there reading this that have yet to experience a christmas ale you are probably thinking, it's just a beer how potent can it really be?


it's magical.

i have seen a mere four of this beer make a grown man crumble. many people lose all inhibitions after just a few causing one to give themselves a christmas ale cut-off, drinking only two before having to switch to a "normal" light beer.

my friends from home lovingly call christmas ale "barfmas ale", swearing to never drink it.

when you do drink christmas ale though you automatically have an excuse for your black grayout - i.e. "i said what about your mom? oh sorry i was drinking christmas ale." or "i asked you to do what with a pool stick? no way i was on christmas ale".

it was only a matter of time till someone wrote an ode to christmas ale.

you better hurry up and get yours before it's all gone...

give a little bit

i have a love hate relationship with gift buying. i really enjoy giving them but i hate having to think up something creative to give my friends and family.

it may sound lame but i would much rather have someone tell me what they want and then i'll just go buy it - easy peasy. it also doesn't help the situation that i have to buy a lot of gifts for my ridiculously big fat greek family.

17 gifts total.

a little ridiculous huh? it is what it is though.

the tough thing is coming up with what to get people like my aunts and uncles (who have everything) on my budget. i mean, do they really need another silver tray or coffee table book? probably not.

so for christmas last year i gave my family something that they didn't even know they wanted.

a goat....

this goat was given figuratively not literally of course.

i found this wonderful organization called world vision that allowed me to purchase the goats through their online catalog. i purchased pigs as gifts too - i mean bacon, hello!

too much?

seriously though, you can give so much support to needy children around the world - school books, clean water, sheep, pigs, etc. if you are stuck without a gift idea during this holiday season i recommend checking out the goat option.

the best part aside from helping out those less fortunate, is seeing your family's face when they open the card saying that they got a goat for christmas.

priceless. my family couldn't stop laughing. here i am, one of the most selfish and materialistic people they know - giving back.

see, i do have a heart - i'm not that selfish and materialistic. go goat!

what's the strangest gift that you have ever given or received? (herpes doesn't count)

[editor's note: don't forget to enter my holiday giveaway!]

most excellent weekend

Sunday, December 7, 2008

this weekend was a ridiculous amount of fun.

so much so that i'm still feeling the effects sunday night. but like a band-aid i need to just ripped this blog post out quickly so i can get back to the important things, like laying in my bed with the covers over my head.

friday night the klutz and i headed to happy hour at bier market (where i ran into miss 27 dresses in cleveland) for some wine and bar cento pizza with the intentions of being home early as to be productive saturday morning. yeah, that didn't

after a couple rounds of drinks the klutz and i thought it would be a great idea to drive to north canton for my uncle john's 60th birthday party. my cousin's were
all in town for the occasion and the klutz had never been to NC so we hopped in the car and 45 minutes later we were partying with my family. somehow shots of patron taste better with your family.

my cousins marissa, peter and kristen

aubrey, the klutz, yours truly and kristen

i'm really glad i made the trip home for the party it was good seeing everyone. plus, seeing my mom "buzzed" is always entertaining. the klutz and i stayed at my mom's waking up early to head back to cleveland to be productive. let me tell you, i was very productive from my couch.

saturday night was my dear friends cubby and martha's holiday party. throw in a sneaky santa gift exchange and christmas sweaters and you get a damn good time.

i was lucky enough to have muffin for the gift exchange and she actually had me too!i'm not lying when i say she got my one of the most thoughtful gifts i have ever received.

being the savvy internet shopper that she is she found a 1982 first edition Plum Good recipe book on ebay! this book is the bomb. it was published by the christ child society of cleveland and is a collection of recipes from the region full of trivia and
celebrity recipes from back in the day when cleveland was the ripest plum around.

it's so cool, thanks muffin i heart you. xoxo. (i like the earrings too,

the party was a success, and walking to the patio in lakewood and making it our own was a most excellent adventure as well. rootbeer float shots too, i can't forget those.

cubby and captain strike the pose. hot vests boys.

is that hatchel or cousin eddie?

court, beaver, muffin and babs

muffin and i walking in a winter wonderland

nice wind breaker babs

when in doubt, let justin do the worm

writing this blog seriously took the little bit of energy i had left out of me - to bed.

have a good week kids.

featured blogger friday v11

Friday, December 5, 2008

so i took a couple of weeks off from doing a featured blogger friday post. well it's back kids and this week we have a very special guest.

a blog celebrity! a 2008 blogger choice award winner! THE hottest mommy blogger!

do i really need to go on here?

you know who she is. and if you don't, you better recognize people.

who are you and what is your blog?

I am Crissy, Queen of Fucking Everything (can we say fuck here?), and my blog is

where are you typing from?

Work. Duh.

how long have you been blogging and what platform do you use?

I have been blogging for one year and I use wordpress. My husband picked it out. I
have no idea.

sum up your piece of the internet in one sentence.

My blog is fucking spectacular.

are you an anonymous blogger or do you scream who you are from the rooftop?

Let's just say that I'm screwed if I decide to run for president.

do your readers know what you look like?

My readers have seen me naked. I'd call that a big yes.

if you could become famous from blogging like dooce would you want to?

Hell yes. I'll sell my shit out in a heartbeat. Blog for sale! Call me people! I
think Dooce secretly wants to be me though. She copies everything I do.
It's pretty sad when you get pregnant just because somebody else did. Just
sayin. Get a life Doocie.

so you just drank a bottle of wine alone and you’re sitting at your
computer, who are the three bloggers that you email or google talk with?

Ooooo...I have a strict policy regarding email and Merlot. They just don't
mix. It's mostly because my ability to type when drunk becomes nonexistent.
But if I could type, I would choose Chris, Dingo, Stoogepie i email with the three of them the most. Does it still count because I'm sober?

how many blogs are in your google reader?

In my what now? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

if you had $1000 to spend and could only buy one item, what would you buy?

I would buy a new refrigerator--A fancy one that doesn't freeze my lettuce. I
know. I even bore myself.

what’s your favorite thing to do after 10pm?

Sleep! Are you kidding me?

top three favorite movies from your childhood.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Gene Wilder version of course), Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Beetlejuice.

name something random that i could find if i was snooping through your

A pair of Curious George panties, a light up penis keychain, baggie of mashed Lucky Charms.

link to a funny you tube video you like.

Gosh. Is it wrong that all the videos I'd link to are ones that I made?

[editor's note: this is my favorite crissy youtube video]

wanna share a secret with me, i promise i won’t tell… <-- that’s a lie, but
tell me something anyways.

I tried to sell my panties on Craigslist last Christmas. It didn't work out. Did you know people want DIRTY panties? Eeeeeeewwwwww!!!

if you could trade places with one blogger for one day who would it be and

Bossy. But I don't know why. I just really like her.

who’s your blog crush?

Oh I have so many! I'll limit it to the boys who are Chris, Ben, Stoogepie and I guess I should include,my husband, but I have some girl ones too (I'm looking at you Melissa, Kiala, and Dingo).

parting words of wisdom?

Never wear anything red and shiny on your ass because it will make it look like a tomato.

Never masturbate in a voting booth.

Vodka makes babies appear in your tummy.

[editors note: i'm looking to revamp the featured blogger questionnaire. so when you are done leaving crissy a comment telling her how awesome she is, throw in a question that you would like to see on this little survey of mine]

holiday giveaway!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

if you are reading this right now i like you - a lot.

and during this holiday season i want to thank you for reading this little blog of mine by giving you something that is not only practical but extremely functional...


but not just
any socks people, these are the rolls royce of socks. KN socks to be exact.

karen neuburger (KN) started out simply making comfy pajamas in her basement. little did karen know that she was about to instantly be catapulted into the big leagues once oprah (the oprah) featured her pajamas on her famous favorite things show.

those ridiculously soft pajamas were the start of a whole KN empire including men, women, kids, home and gift lines. and socks, don't forget socks.

i'm lucky to be giving away four pairs of the KN chenille feet treats cupcake socks. how cute are these? they are cozy too, i'm wearing the blue bell pair right now.

all packaged and ready to eat wear - check out the cherry on top.

now before all of my favorite male readers get in a huff that this is a GIRL prize think about how your mother, grandmother, girlfriend or wife would appreciate these socks when their toes are about to fall off cause you're too lazy to turn up the heat.

it's even gift wrapped for you already!

how to enter:

1. look at your feet - right now.

i'll wait.


2. tell me what your feet currently are wearing in the comment section

your feet could literally be wearing anything - sneakers, socks, red stilettos, tall black boots, slippers, or even... nothing at all. wink wink.

i will choose the FOUR winners on wednesday, december 17th and ship out the KN feet treats to the lucky recipients just in time for the holidays.

this contest is open to all plum readers not just bloggers - so lurkers, delurk! but if you aren't a blogger and i don't have your email address please also include it in your comment.

thanks again for reading and good luck!