the one with the transvestite

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

when i worked for scene magazine (the REAL scene magazine, not the weird free times/scene hybrid) as a house account manager a large portion of my job consisted of me driving all over northeast ohio picking up money weekly for my clients advertisements.

i had to go to all sorts of interesting places from nice restaurants and dive bars to music venues and strip clubs. hey, even christie's cabaret needs to advertise sometimes.

and no, they didn't pay me in dollar dollar bills y'all.

at times i had clients that would only be available to cut a check after "normal" work hours or on the weekends, it was just part of the job.

two years ago on new years eve was one of those instances.

i had made a trip to shoptalk lingerie in maple heights to collect some money - the store was basically an adult toy store in a not so good neighborhood. i was friendly with the owner so we were chatting about how i was spending my NYE and how i really didn't want to go out with my friends. i was standing on one side of the counter when a customer came up wanting to get rung up.

an awesome drag queen customer to make it that much better.

i moved aside browsing through some items, waiting for rupaul to finish up. once she left i went back to chatting with the owner when i noticed that my car keys that were on the counter were gone.

but it wasn't just my car keys it was my wallet that was attached to my car keys too. my grandmother had bought me a louis vuitton monogram key chain/wallet which was attached to my car keys. oh and it had $160 cash in it, my license and all of my credit cards.

i panicked and ran out into the parking lot just knowing that my car was going to be gone just like my wallet. thankfully that wasn't the case.

but i was stuck at 7:30pm on new years ever in maple heights with no car keys, identification or money.


poo poo, who was still my roommate at the time, had yet to leave for the party so she delivered me my spare car key as i waited to file the police report. i was fuming but there wasn't anything i could do about it.

i had to buy a new car key, a new apartment key and you know damn straight i bought another louis vuitton key chain. this time i didn't scream LV though - red epi leather ftw!

this NYE instance was just another example of why i hate new years eve. for those of you who know me by now you get that i love to go out, party and have a good time but i just can't enjoy it on new years eve.

confession: i haven't gone out on new years eve in four years!

here's hoping that next year i'll have someone to ring in the new year with.


  1. I don't like New Years either, but I always go out. I usually end up having a good time. This year I was secretly hoping that there was nothing going on so I could hang out with my cat at home, but no such luck. I hope at least a good story comes from it.

  2. I will be ringing in the new year with friends, playing board games, and having a low key affair. Happy New Year Alexa!!

  3. WOW! Good for you for staying home FOUR YEARS IN A ROW! That's seriously impressive.

    My best NYE ever involved a road trip to San Diego (I lived in OKC at the time) with a pit-stop in Vegas and a final destination involving a NYE weezer show. When i say "best NYE" i mean the one that didn't end with me apologizing to everyone the next day. I too hate NYE...why do i still go out?

  4. ewwwwww.
    well, if you lived closer, you could come to my super sweet house party! its gonna be vodka-infused with lots of dance parties. the question is, will i change out of my sweatpants for the occasion?

  5. Wow, that really was a crappy NYE!!! I am not a huge fan of New Years. Sean always works, so I spend it on my own, or with family or friends. But I NEVER "go out." Cheers to all of us who chill out to ring in the new year.

  6. Well, that's crappy. I hate it because it's rookie night at the bars and there are more cops looking for the likes of me driving home. Plus, after all the expectations, it's almost always a bit of a disappointment, regardless of the company. I've never stayed home, but I'll consider doing so this year, then cave and go out.

  7. I hate going out on NYE too-- last year I got soooo drunk and Jan 1 was one of the worst days of the year. Ugh.

  8. You must confront these feeling you have about NYE.

    I think its important for you to love it.

  9. So, a friend of mine used to complain that weekends were for amateurs. He was in the catering industry and NEVER went out on Fridays or Saturdays because that's when the lightweights were out and about. Well, you know what? NYE is that line of reasoning times 100. Seriously. I hate going out on NYE, too. That's why Sweets, SoMi and I are driving up to Madison, where a dear friend is cooking up a storm. Not a bad way to ring in the new year.

  10. Ugh. What a pain in the ass.

    I'm kind of with you. NYE is the one night of the year I'm not much interested in going out. I'm supposed to be going to a cabin with some friends in the nearby mountains but because I have to work all day today and Friday, I'm really not feeling it much.

  11. I totally remember you calling me up from Shoptalk to tell me that story!

    Thank god it was just petty theft and the drag queen couldn't risk getting grand theft auto!!!

    I woke up feeling like crap (could I still be hung from Monday??)...I might be staying in tonight too.

  12. Or someone's bell to ring. HEY-O!

    I'm unoriginal.

  13. what? I'm completely devastated. I hope you at least bang pots and pans or something!

    That totally sucks someone took your wallet.I'd shit myself.

  14. I'm not really into going out on NYE either.

  15. Yikes! Not fun at all.

    I'm not a fan of NYE. Just hanging out with the bf and some friends tonight. All chill.

  16. I totally hadn't read this when I was asking you about New Years just now. Duh.

  17. I can totally understand - I'm not that into New Years either.. it's always such a pain in the ass to plan and then it gets all hyped up and usually is disappointing.

    But even if your just staying in I hope you have a great New Years!

  18. i love going out for NYE. i stay in on friday nights half the time because i'm too old and tired, but i don't know... NYE is a tradition that i like. plus how can i get drunk enough to kiss a stranger if i'm not out?? one of these years it will happen...

  19. I'm curling up at home too. Nothing wrong with that. A few bottles of champagne, and B, Kathy Griffin and I will have a helluva time ringing in the new year.

    Happy ot 9, lady!

  20. you're welcome! i'm glad you got it! i also thing NYE is highly overrated, and if i hadn't been working i probably wouldn't have gone out either! happy new year!

  21. Oh no! Wow! Well, at least you got this fantastic story out of it.

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