but i wanted the mansion

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

yesterday when a friend of mine helped me rediscover the awesomeness that is the love calculator it got me thinking about some other adolescent games. (after i plugged 9 names with mine into the love calculator of course)

let's take a trip back to junior high and high school shall we?

i don't know what it is about silly horoscopes and cosmopolitan quizzes that make you think about your crush in relation to a. b. c. and d. multiple choice options. i guess it gives teenagers across the country hope.

but let us not forget the ultimate school fortune telling tool - M.A.S.H.

you ALL know what i'm talking about here, don't pretend that you don't.

when you filled out the M.A.S.H. survey (mansion, apartment, shack or house) your life is immediately planned out for you.
let's look for a second at what a sample M.A.S.H game looked like for me back in 1996, when i was the ripe age of 16.


chris, joe, john, brian, dan

occupation: singer, actress, advertising, president, anchor woman

car: range rover, mercedes, volvo, saab, bmw

white, ivory, red, turquoise, black

age for marriage:
24, 25, 26, 27, 28

number of kids:
0, 1, 2, 3, 4

cleveland, nyc, denver, canton, boston

hawaii, london, greece, virgin islands, australia

so if i look at this as a 28 year old there are some options that simply aren't possible anymore. meaning that (gasp) it's all bullshit.

M.A.S.H? well i do live in an apartment.

those crushes? 4 out of 5 of them are married and the 5th one is gay - um, no.

occupation? well technically i'm in marketing but advertising is in the same family - win!

car? i drive a volvo s40 - win!

colors? that was supposed to be for your wedding dress - still single but i had a white debutantes ball dress. doesn't count does it?

age for marriage? looks like i thought i was going to be married a lot younger than the reality of it all. that is unless i get married sometime between now and july 1st - 28 won't be happening either. any takers?

number of kids? that's a goose egg folks.

city? cleveland - woo!

honeymoon? considering i've been to four out of the five places already i'll consider that a win.

my old M.A.S.H's also prove that i didn't marry johnny depp either. go figure.

now it's your turn - tell me your M.A.S.H/cosmo quizzes/love calculator stories.


  1. MASH was the best game EVER. Is it wrong that I want to play it right? Etime i had a new crush I would would do play MASH. Man I wish now I could remember all my crushes and what I wanted to do with my life back then.

  2. I definitely played M.A.S.H. and I agree that I totally want to hip out a pad of paper and make like 10 game boards to play with a whole group of teeny boppers!

  3. Oh my God! I had completely forgotten about this game! Use to play it all the time as a kid. But I can't for the life of me remember any of the stuff I would put down.

  4. I did play MASH, but only ironically in college during very boring classes. Still, when your options are fractals or a game where your friend is going to live in a magical hot air balloon city and be married to "his weiner," the latter seems a lot more hilarious thanks to the wonders of juxtaposition and the inherent childishness of all men in small groups.

  5. LOL I love MASH and cosmo quizzes..ah the good old days

  6. i got 68% on love calculator, never played mash but sure did love those cosmo quizzes

  7. I love MASH. I still play it (usually while drinking.) We played it differently though, I would pick 2 things and then my friends would pick another 2 things (usually bad like driving a shoe and living in a garbage can and marrying the smelly kid) and then see how things worked out.

  8. I effing loved those games. We tried to bring it back in style with our 7 year old niece. Yeahh, maybe that wasn't such a good idea having her choose wedding dress colors and honeymoon spots. Hah!

  9. Please know that I am laughing right now.


  10. I havent thought about this game in years! My friends and I used to sit in church and play it, and school. I can't remember what I wanted but at the time its how we all planned out our lives. Thanks for the memories Alexa!

  11. I used to love MASH! I haven't played in a million years.

    As for the love calculator. When I just put my man friends first name and mine, it came back at 14%!!! EEEK. With last names included, it came back at 74%...better, but not great. Then I remembered that the name I call him, is not his legal name! SCORE...92%. So much better!

    Thanks for this. My morning needed it!

  12. So I definitely went and did the Love Calculator after your tweet yesterday. I remember that my ex and I were pretty high, so I redid it just to see. Yup, high. But the SO scored higher! Bonus!

    Oh and thanks for replaying MASH. I couldn't remember how...

  13. Best post ever!!!! I also obvi went straight to the Love Calculator...not such great news for me on that site! haha

  14. OMG!!! I am dying! I need to play this again like right now. The days and nights I spent playing this game. Crazy. Totally brings me back.

  15. OMG!!! I am dying! I need to play this again like right now. The days and nights I spent playing this game. Crazy. Totally brings me back.

  16. we played this a few parties ago at the manfriends, the gals did it. I couldn't remember the first thing about how to play, but it all came back!

    I still, to this day, do the alphabet as I twist the stem off my apple, and I land on "C" which happens to be the first letter of my manfriends real name, and the name he goes by. Mmmm hmmm. Fate, it's written in the apples that we get married!

  17. P.S. you won my valentines day contest. Lucky.

  18. The best was when you got bored with all the regular MASH categories at sleepovers and started making up random ones.

    A few months ago my friend and I were bored at a bar and started playing MASH... it was amazing. We played all night and made so many friends who came up and wanted to play to. I recommend busting it out next time you are bored and drunk.

  19. i drive a volvo s40 too!!!!! SCORE!!! :]

  20. My roomie and I MASH all the time but when we play, she lets me pick 4 out of the 5 and fills the other one in herself.

    It worked out okay last time. Sure, my wedding band was the guys who sing the $5 footlong song and that was ALL they sang, but I got to marry Chuck Bass. I'd call that a win.

  21. OMG Brendan Harrington was my all-time elementary school crush. Unless I got really drunk in vegas a la Britney Spears, we are not, to my knowledge, married. Yet.

  22. ah! I was really hoping you'd get denver.

  23. I can't log in from work to comment and for the life of me have no idea how to follow your blog, so I apologize for the anonymous comment.

    When we played MASH, there were always "comedy" options for every category.

    Boy: Some smelly guy everyone hated, or a very "old" person.

    Job: Usually hooker, or something equally depraved (this didn't become an option until we were like, 13 or so because at that age the word "hooker" was a VERY bad word)

    Age: Something comically high and/or low.

    Number of kids: Again comically high or low, mixed in with reasonable ages.

    The other stuff was pretty normal.

    I recently bought a book of MadLibs, too. Good times...

  24. Sorry for the double post, but here's my blog:


  25. well you should know that mash still lives on....the girls at my middle school were playing yesterday and they were AMAZED that i knew what it was.

  26. This is too funny! I remember playing this when I was younger :)

  27. Oh, MASH was the best! In the back of the bus, and pick boys who are ON the bus, so you can giggle and turn red when it lands on them...

    Yes, I was a dork then. Ain't much changed.

  28. I'm not going to lie. . . totally tried the love calculator.

    Wine Rep: 77%

    Too bad he's a dbag! haha!!

  29. oh, we played mash basically EVERY DAY in grade school. i wish i stlil had some of my old mash writeups around!!

  30. i always cherished the fact that i got a 97% with joshua jackson on love calculator, haha.

  31. lets play mash right now.

    isn't there an online site or something?

  32. Holy crap, MASH? OMG I remember that. I rigged it all the time so I got anything but the shack. That's not my style :)

  33. Gay husband? Not as bad as you might think!

  34. Hil-AR-ious. MASH is the shiznit! I played a MASHY version too - adding yacht on the end. Because that's totally realistic.

    In fact, I loved MASH so much that recently (within the last five years) I purchased the official MASH game when I was at Toys R' Us one time. How weird slash awesome is that? It's a little book that folds out, and has the categories already written down on dry erase board so you can do it over and over again. Now it sits on my bookshelf. Lol.

  35. Ahh, what a great memory. I loved MASH. We used to put two celebrities and two guys our year. I used to always get embarrassed because in middle school I didn't reveal my crushes all that often. I was shy!

    But, looking back, my life totally didn't work out the way MASH wanted it to.

  36. I love MASH.
    I also love than in elementary school we thought it was completely possible to live in a mansion.

  37. In sixth grade, my friends and I would sit on the back pew in church and play MASH and all those other games. It was incredible! I was never disappointed -- we found a way to cheat the system! (Sad, huh?)

  38. Very nice tips. Thanks for sharing!.
    Eastenders Love Calculator

  39. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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