i drank the kool-aid

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

there once was a time in my life when my biggest decision of the day was which pair of jean shorts and jellies i wanted to wear to play outside in.

now i have real shit to worry about.

there also was a time in my life when my biggest decision of the day was which flavor of kool-aid my neighborhood friends and i (i'm looking at you KJ), were going to sell at our kool-aid stand.


and now they don't even sell ecto-cooler! the humanity!


confession: back in the day i was what one could call a kool-aid stand professional. between myself, my sister and all of our neighborhood friends there was always a stand open on my block.

we would even hold contests - with competing stands set up right across the street from each other to see who could make the most money. we were like little entrepreneurs.

lucky for me though i had the secret ace in my pocket. i would take the time to call my dad at his office and ask him to come buy some lemonade. and an hour or so later he would roll up in his porsche convertible like a bad ass, hand me a twenty dollar bill, drink a dixie cup full of flavored water and drive away.

i win!

[sidenote: still to this day when i drive by a kool-aid stand i will always stop and give the kids $5 or $10 for a drink. the excitement on their faces are priceless]

i was also savvy enough to set-up a stand on the morning of the professional football hall of fame grand parade day. seeing that the house i grew up in was a few blocks away from the parade route we got tons of walking traffic. i would make a serious killing that saturday. people were parched, i was providing a service!

so here's the deal, i was obviously good at selling kool-aid when i was 8 so why can't i sell it when i'm 28?


recalling my roots i've come up with a new business plan - with a twist.


what if on weekend nights i start selling kool-aid, but for adults?

i live in arguably the busiest party district in downtown cleveland, so i'll still be setting up shop in front of my "house". and who doesn't like a nice little road pop as you walk from bar to bar? those frat-tastic stripped shirt boys and hoochies wearing tube tops in january will drink this stuff up. maybe i'll even make jello shots for when the maproom line gets too long?

i'm going to make a killing.

if sketch balls can sell wilted roses and feather boas on the corner why can't i sell vodka infused kool-aid?

i'll worry about the legal ramifications later - let me dream people.

36 comments:

  1. Sign me up for a Plum Kool-Aid please!

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  2. TOTAL GENIUSNESS, WELL LEGAL MATTERS CAN BE THOUGHT OF LATER JUST SELL A FEW SAMPLES LOL..genius idea.

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  3. That idea is just perfect! You could make a killing :)

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  4. Can I join you in that dream world? I need an escape from reality this week!

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  5. Maybe when the cops show up you could just offer "a few kool-aids on the house, officers?"

    Or maybe just cash. Cash is great for bribes.

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  6. Ha ha - too funny. :) And a WAY better idea than wilted roses!

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  7. I'm so in. You can just set up a stand by my desk if you like.

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  8. Combining old school nostalgia with modern day drunks? OMG this is a great idea!

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  9. Have parties and charge money. My manfriends been doing that for his nerd group, and they are raking in the dough. Yea, its a fundraiser for their trip to columbus lol, but still it could be your own fundraiser.

    so, its the same idea only more legal.

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  10. Count on me! I think that sounds like a great idea. (and I love that you still stop at lemonade/koolaid stands!)

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  11. We have some kids that do it so often that I've been known to take the LONG way home.

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  12. Man... if it weren't for the legal repercussions I would be ALL about this. haha

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  13. Since I was obviously the brains behind our operation 20 years ago, I'm in for sure.

    I'll handle the finances, you handle the marketing :)

    Good memories....

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  14. What decade do you live in? The 1950s? I have never seen a lemonade stand.

    Now 3 card monty stand, yes. I never win at that game.

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  15. Just call it "Spring Break Juice" and all the douchebags in the Warehouse District will give you all their money and then scream WOOOOOOO!

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  16. How could Kool-Aid get rid of Ecto-cooler. It was amazing...and sold at the stands the best!

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  17. killeridea.com

    actually, killer + koolaid just reminded me OF killer koolaid:

    1/2 oz vodka
    1 oz melon liqueur
    1 oz amaretto almond liqueur
    cranberry juice
    sprite

    an option for your mature clients.

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  18. But could you deal with the drunks? That's the question. I'd never be able to do it.

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  19. I hear that vomit doesn't bring in the clientele quite the same way a lack of vomit does.

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  20. What do you MEAN they don't sell ecto-cooler anymore?! What is the world coming too?!

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  21. Hahah! Reminded me completely of last night's How I Met Your Mother episode - Classic five word phrases: "We Gotta Buy A Bar!!"

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  22. I want IN!! Since we technically share a "front yard"...I'm just not sure if I'll make a better sales person or customer! ;)

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  23. what a great idea!! i love that you stop at lemonade stands... love love that. I'm going to start doing that now too.

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  24. kids at my college needed to raise money for a fundraiser so they started selling grilled cheese sandwiches at night to drunk kids as they walked from frat to frat. they made thousands of off $2 grilled cheeses.

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  25. Genius. If this does well can I have franchise rights for a west coast operation?

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  26. I'm totally visiting your Kool-Aid stand. Let me know your flavors of the day

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  27. That is an awesome idea. For serious.

    Plus, I too used to be the queen of kool-aid stands in my neighbourhood. Our house backed onto a golf course so we'd set up a stand by the tee selling juice and golf balls to the golfers. We used to make a killing!

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  28. okay that would be awesome, haha. i would definitely drink some shady kool aid from you on my way home from a bar, haha.

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  29. ohhhh the good ol' days...

    I always give way more then the asking price for Kool aid stands too.. i mean 25 cents is just a joke!

    why don't you just set up the kool aid stand and tell the boozers there's "alcohol" in it and then it's a total money maker for you!.. cause all you'll be buying is the 2 for 59 cent packs of kool aid. they won't know what they're drinking and just think it's hilarious that there's a kool aide stand on west 9th! oh especially with the jello shots! ha you can never tell there's alcohol in those anyways!

    is that dishonest?!

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  30. i would SO buy jello shots from a street stand. especially if i were already drunk :-)

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  31. I think you just proposed opening a speak-easy. Once people know the password, they are free to experiment with turning their tongues unnatural colors!

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  32. I've definitely thought about doing this, it's an ingenius plan. This got me hooked on it... www.lemonadegame.com

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  33. We can spike it, right?

    I'm not an alchey, I swear.

    Well, okay, maybe. But I'm functioning. And that's what counts, right?

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  34. AMEN SISTER!


    p.s. i posted about you on the blog: awarded you with honest scrap.

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