i'm so not loving it

Friday, January 9, 2009

there's no featured blogger for this friday but we do have a guest blogger here at the plum. today's post was written by my good friend the jerk. he's grumpy and opinionated by nature and one day when he was ranting to me about something, i told him to shut up and write a guest post about it. which is exactly what you will find below - he makes a damn good point if i do say so myself...

At what point did we as Americans join hands and demand that McDonald's put cream and sugar in our coffee for us? Weren't we fine before?

I know I was. But something has changed in the last year that made the corporate fat cats at MickieDee's decide that we weren't competent enough to stir our own drinks. I don't know what it is, but its become a pain in the ass.

Personally, I don't like cream or sugar in my coffee, but I have to order it for coworkers. But the employees at the Golden Arches don't care who you are. They just want to know what you want in your coffee, and if that means cutting you off in mid sentence, so be it.

"Can I have a number 2 with a Coffee and ---"
"How many creams and sugars?"
"Just put some in the bag on the side. I'd also like ---"
"How many in the bag on the side?"
"I don't care."
"Sir, I need to know, how many?"
"Can you take a handful and just put them in the bag?"
"I need a number sir."

"Four. Can I also get a number 5 with a medium coffee as well?"
"How many creams and sugars?"
"Aren't we already putting some in the bag?"
"Well that was for the other coffee."

Something that was once a mind numbingly simple process has turned into a complete pain in my ass.

Like I said, I don't even like cream or sugar in my coffee, but the thought of someone else's hands in my drink disturbs me. I know that someone has to make my food, but those people wear gloves.

The ladies at the window? they don't, and they are the money handlers. Money thats been in the hands and purses of countless people around this great nation. If you don't think that's gross, ladies just think about all the shit that has been spilled on your purse over the course of your life, and that's just a fraction of what is on your cash. All the crap that you've had in your pockets? Yeah, that's on there too.

My cousin once woke up with gravel in his pocket, but that's another story.

And this hasn't stopped at that fancy "Irish" restaurant with the golden arches either. Dunkin' Donuts is at it as well. Save the foo foo for the donuts kids, keep your hands out of my coffee.

The time has come for we as a people to get even. Put an end to this nonsense. Now when they ask me how many creams and sugars I want I say, "Sixteen." When I pull up to the window, they hand me my cup and I ask,

"Where's the bag with the cream & sugar?"
"Umm... I just put sixteen creams & sugars in that coffee."
"You'd better take that up with your friend in the square box back there, because I never asked for that in my coffee."

End the madness people. Write your congressman. Forget about the bridge that's going to fall in the Cuyahoga River downtown, we must keep people's dirty hands out of our drinks.


  1. Canadians can actually take responsibility for this one. (This is odd because I actually already wrote about Tim Horton's today)
    At our national institution, Tim Horton's, you stipulate how many cream and sugars you want.... hence the term double-double.
    The bad thing, though, is double-doubles aren't really equivalent across Tim's... so one will be horribly bitter, then next deadly sweet.

  2. America and her little spoiled brats.

  3. I agree entirely with PP. Canada and Tim Horton's are clearly to blame.

  4. Pointful and Ben are so smart.

    I was going to blame Canadians just because.

  5. I had something to say but for the life of me can't remember what it was. I read the comments and now the only thing rolling around in my head is the Blame Canada song.

  6. I figure they were trying to copy Dunkin' Donuts. Although when DD does it, they're not obnoxious about it.

    I will say this -- no amount of cream and sugar will ever make McD's taste good.

  7. From now until eternity I am going to refer to mcdonalds as a fancy irish restaurant. genius!

  8. where have you b een? we're totally helpless anymore. and we dont know what we want.


  9. I actually dig it when Dunkin' Donuts does it for me -- it's always the perfect combination.

  10. I hate ordering fast food and I have to say "Can I have the number 2".

  11. that's it. it's all canadas fault. go figure.

  12. How about we all just cowboy up and drink our coffee black like our souls? Or make it ourselves? Or actually get out of our cars and choose what to put in ourselves?

  13. Dear GOD, this is genius! I HATE that they "do it for me". I don't want sugar, I want Equal. You can't even imagine the level of confusion this causes.

    My theory is that they are trying to conserve the number of creams and sugars being used because people ususally take more than they need. But it seems like a stupid way to save a dime. And gross.

  14. i solve this dilemma by not drinking coffee. it works out well for me.

  15. A. Don't hate McDonald's, hate stupid people

    B. McDonald's did this (in addition to the "ATTENTION: HOT COFFEE" notice on the cup) to limit the number of people who take the lid off their coffee while driving their car so they can't spill it on themselves then sue McDonald's for being stupid.

    If you go in the store, you are likely to add cream and sugar yourself.

  16. That's why I drink it black, and never get coffee for other people. Had enough of that in my days of being a movie PA, thank you very much.

  17. "You'd better take that up with your friend in the square box back there, because I never asked for that in my coffee."

    I laughed so hard at this that my boss came and checked on me cause he thought I was in pain.

  18. Thank you! You just gave another reason to HATE McDonalds.

  19. Yeah, I've noticed this really recently, too, and it bothers me. Maybe it's the after effect of that damn lawsuit where that woman's crotch was scalded by hot coffee? Because we clearly aren't competent enough to mix our own coffee and cream. (And because they don't want another lawsuit?)

  20. This would piss me the eff off, if I was allowed inside McDonald's. I had to make an "only on road trips" rule, because that shiz is so good.

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