i'm so not loving it

there's no featured blogger for this friday but we do have a guest blogger here at the plum. today's post was written by my good friend the jerk. he's grumpy and opinionated by nature and one day when he was ranting to me about something, i told him to shut up and write a guest post about it. which is exactly what you will find below - he makes a damn good point if i do say so myself...

At what point did we as Americans join hands and demand that McDonald's put cream and sugar in our coffee for us? Weren't we fine before?

I know I was. But something has changed in the last year that made the corporate fat cats at MickieDee's decide that we weren't competent enough to stir our own drinks. I don't know what it is, but its become a pain in the ass.

Personally, I don't like cream or sugar in my coffee, but I have to order it for coworkers. But the employees at the Golden Arches don't care who you are. They just want to know what you want in your coffee, and if that means cutting you off in mid sentence, so be it.

"Can I have a number 2 with a Coffee and ---"
"How many creams and sugars?"
"Just put some in the bag on the side. I'd also like ---"
"How many in the bag on the side?"
"I don't care."
"Sir, I need to know, how many?"

"Can you take a handful and just put them in the bag?"
"I need a number sir."

"Four. Can I also get a number 5 with a medium coffee as well?"
"How many creams and sugars?"
"Aren't we already putting some in the bag?"

"Well that was for the other coffee."

Something that was once a mind numbingly simple process has turned into a complete pain in my ass.

Like I said, I don't even like cream or sugar in my coffee, but the thought of someone else's hands in my drink disturbs me. I know that someone has to make my food, but those people wear gloves.

The ladies at the window? they don't, and they are the money handlers. Money thats been in the hands and purses of countless people around this great nation. If you don't think that's gross, ladies just think about all the shit that has been spilled on your purse over the course of your life, and that's just a fraction of what is on your cash. All the crap that you've had in your pockets? Yeah, that's on there too.

My cousin once woke up with gravel in his pocket, but that's another story.

And this hasn't stopped at that fancy "Irish" restaurant with the golden arches either. Dunkin' Donuts is at it as well. Save the foo foo for the donuts kids, keep your hands out of my coffee.

The time has come for we as a people to get even. Put an end to this nonsense. Now when they ask me how many creams and sugars I want I say, "Sixteen." When I pull up to the window, they hand me my cup and I ask,

"Where's the bag with the cream & sugar?"
"Umm... I just put sixteen creams & sugars in that coffee."

"You'd better take that up with your friend in the square box back there, because I never asked for that in my coffee."

End the madness people. Write your congressman. Forget about the bridge that's going to fall in the Cuyahoga River downtown, we must keep people's dirty hands out of our drinks.