blades of glory

Friday, April 24, 2009

i don't have many irrational fears. i feel like generally speaking i'm a pretty even keeled person.

snakes - whatevs.

spiders - so what?

mice - i couldn't ever hurt

but what does scare the bejesus out of me are things that fly.

birds? i'm petrified of them, they are the rats of the sky and i'm in constant fear of them dive bombing my head.

i even wrote a whole post about birds while i was simultaneously trapped in my apartment because a renegade sparrow had taken over my hallway.

but this post isn't about my fear of birds.

this post is about my fear of an appliance.

the ceiling fan to be exact.
every time i see a ceiling fan spinning ultra fast with the pully cord tassels whipping around, all i can imagine is the fan blades flying off and decapitating someone.

decapitation is cool..... but only in zombie movies.

another scenario that goes through my head is that if the blades don't fly off and decapitate someone i'm petrified that when i'm walking under the fan it's going to fall from the ceiling onto my head.

i told you guys it was an irrational fear - the blades just move so fast and the fan shakes so much - i can't but think it's going to fall!!!

don't judge me and my anti-ceiling fan self.

they are tacky anyways - i'm pro air conditioning all the way. ceiling fans are for suckers, yo.

so what's your most irrational fear?

sidenote: i just spent the last hour watching youtube videos involving ceiling fans - the following two are my favorites:

this one cause i think it truly was an accident.

and this one cause the kids face is priceless, plus he dazed and confused movie poster in the background makes me happy.


  1. I swear on everything holy ( i'm not sure if your all holy and stuff, I'm not but when I say that It means I'm serious) I just had a convo with my boy last night about my fear of the ceiling fan flying off and taking off one of our heads in our sleep!!! He thought it was funny, but it was making noises!! Never a good sign! Am I right?

  2. I have a metal ceiling fan right above my bed, I have the same fear as well at I just end up having a stare off with the fan

  3. I'm in FL and ceiling fans are pretty much a necessity but they scare the bejeezes out of me too. Especially the one downstairs.

    You would freak. It makes all sorts of noises and wobbles really bad. I always think its going to pull out of the ceiling and go flying across the room!

    my other irrational fear is spiders. Not a fan of elevators but I've gotten better through the years.

  4. I HATE ceiling fans. I almost had all of them removed in my house. But apparently that hurts the resale value. I can't say that I've ever used them, for fear of dying alone with a fan blade in my head.

  5. Oh girl, you are not alone. The other night, we were laying in bed, and the damn cover that goes over the hole in the ceiling and hides the wires fell down and hit the top of the fan. It made a loud crashing sound and we thought for sure our legs were going to be amputated right then and there. Fans are no joke.

  6. I'm afraid of butterflies. Ew ew ew.

  7. This used to be a fear of mine too - when I moved to a house in college that had an old one that I always thought was going to kill me in the middle of the night. But I've since realized that I love their cool wind generation too much to not have it on at night.

    I'm definitely afraid of things that fly, too. Living things. Like that moth from the other night. Ew! And birds, definitely birds.

  8. The thing is, in both those videos the people are asking for it. Asking for it! That one guy jumps to hit the fan - the fan was simply defending itself (I have no idea what they were doing before the fan part).

    In the second video the kid attached a hand to the fan with the intent OF GETTING HIMSELF SLAPPED BY HIS OWN FAN!

    As long as you're not asking for it, I'm sure you'll be fine.

  9. lady jane - never a good sign! turn it off before it falls on your bed!!!

    chele - at least it's cool metal - better than ugly faux wood

    stiletto - there was a three year period when i was a child that i wouldn't ride in an elevator, thank god that's over with.

    roxetta - i had one in my old bedroom, that thing was NEVER turned on - ever.

    shannon - i would have been out of that bed faster than (insert something really fast and funny)

    arielle - me too, it goes along with the flying things. just cause it has pretty wings doesn't mean it's not still a creepy BUG!

    ashley - your moth dream still frightens me..... ew.

    josh - you are totally right - which is why i am intrigued by them like how/why are they doing that?!? the guy in the second video's face cracks me up like how he flinches when he *thinks* he's going to get hit. hilarious.

  10. honestly, ceiling fans are not to be messed with! TRUE STORY -- a few years ago, sleeping in my old bed at my parents house in the summertime (no a/ the ceiling fan was definitely on.), I wake up and am awfully thirsty so I go downstairs to get a drink. Once I am downstairs I hear this loud CRASH noise...wondering what the hell that was, I run back up to my bedroom to find that the ceiling fan, and a good portion of my ceiling were all over my bed and room.
    Just say no to ceiling fans. They'll kill you.

  11. Hair. Specifically, loose hair. Like, in hairbrushes. My mom would clean her hairbrush and chase me around the house with the resulting hairball. When there's hair in my drain, I use a paper towel to get it off of the little screen.

  12. While I've thought of that same exact fan scenario, I wouldn't exactly categorize it as a fear. What stoopid scares me is Sweets' driving sometimes ... despite the fact he has a very clean driving record!

  13. Snakes. They scare the bejesus out of me. I scream even if I am in the car.

  14. I actually do worry about my ceiling fan flying off and decapitating my cat in the middle of the night. Not really worried about myself.

  15. I'm not lying when I say I have the same fear. Whenever I go visit my aunt in NYC, the room I stay in has a ceiling fan over the bed. You can just imagine the nightmare scenarios that play out in my head.

  16. I was once decapitated by a ceiling fan. True story. Ever since then, when I see one, I have to be held back. 'Cause I will axe a ceiling fan, given the chance. Axe.

  17. I am irrationally scared of swings - as in playground swingsets. I just see kids crashing into each other at high speeds, makes me so nervous.

  18. In college, a buddy of mine thought it would be fun to put on a hockey helmet and stop a ceiling fan with his head.

    We're Canadian...

  19. I don't like holes. Like, one big hole? I can handle it. But lots and lots AND LOTS of little ones? in a cluster? of any kind?

    Freaks me right the fuck out.

    Because little bugs could be in there! Indiana Jones style! Or it reminds me of really nasty ant piles and FREAKS ME OUT because what if they're the mean ants that sting?!


  20. Wow never thought of a ceiling fan being scary but now I kinda do.

    My only real fear is of horses. Spiders no biggy but a giant horse makes me want to cry. And really I have no actual reason to be scared of a horse.

  21. they make really cool ceiling fans, but you probably dont go down the evil CEILING FAN AISLE at lowes! aaaaah ha ha ha.

    Irrational fear. Hmmm. I don't have any. I think all my fears are rational.

  22. I have the same irrational fear of birds. Like, when I'm running outside, and they're all in a group, I fear that they'll just fly up and hit me in the face.

  23. when we moved into our college house, we definitely thought a bird was flying around in my room.

    Turned out the sucker was a bat! A BAT! We made our friend's boyfriend get it. Only in my room.

  24. That first one is amazing. The second vid, well I'm just kind of impressed at the kid's boredom/ingenuity.

    As for irrational fears, I've been in so many car wrecks now that I just kind of assume that every single car or big truck in the lane next to me (or going the other direction) is going to cross into my lane and slam into me. It makes me a really skittish driver, so I don't really drive any more. But the fear is still there even when someone else is driving me.
    Cars hate me.

  25. OH! And did you know that some people in Korea (not all) think that there is such a thing as "fan death." Basically if you leave a fan on, while you sleep . . . you will die. Not even that it will fall on you, just having it on, and you will die. just fyi.

  26. Okay, so since you mentioned Zombie movies I feel a little less stupid admitting this. I am actually mortally afraid of zombies. Well, of the IDEA of zombies. I feel like, for all the movies that have been made and all of the crazy people out there...there is somebody in the world right now trying to create a zombie virus and if it works, got help us all. I WILL shoot you in the head. Yeah...I've thought about this too much. Makes your ceiling fan fear seem downright normal.

  27. heh, i can't think of any irrational fears of mine. my dad was a big teaser growing up, and i always wanted to look tough to him, so i made myself ignore any fears i decided would be "silly." my mom is petrified of live fish, though. :-)

  28. Fish! They creep me the eff out... with their soulless eyes and gaping mouths.

    They also fascinate me, as I am terrified of them and think they're really gross, and I love aquariums. Masochistic much?

  29. i have a weird fear of bookcases falling or tipping over. especially when they are full of heavy things and slightly leaning in towards the room because the floor is slanted up right at the wall.

    also, i agree with deutlich, lots of little holes in a cluster are just creepy.

    i'm sure i have more, but the last one i can think of is when i get on a stairway, or any kid of steps (including escalator) with no hands available to hold onto a railing or significant other for support, i literally freak out. i either have to set something down or have someone help me. this one might be more rational than the others...but i don't want to fall backwards!

  30. I've blogged about this before but mine is that someone will jump to their death off of a tall building and land on me... killing us both instantly.


  31. My husband HAS to have it on every night when we sleep, so I'm not too afraid of it now.

    Have you seen the video of the cat who gets its hand stuck on the fan and twirls around and hits the wall? It's wrong, but way funny.

  32. I won't let my husband put a ceiling fan in our bedroom for exactly that reason! I'm so afraid it will spin off the ceiling and through my bed!

  33. man i am not a fan of ceiling fans either. but i really am a wuss when it comes to most creatures, especially spiders and bugs and snakes, ew.

  34. True story

    Male friend of mine is in his tighty whities and hes changing his sheets. He takes the fitted bed sheet and throws it up in the air like you do when you are trying to lay the sheet out on the bed...only thing is the sheet gets caught in ceiling fan. The sheet then somehow manages to get wrapped around his neck basically strangling him. It stalls the fan--and hes able to break free from it.

    Everytime he tells this story I almost pee my pants.


  35. I just hung a ceiling fan (this one to be exact but my fear was having not correctly turned off the breaker and being electrocuted. And someone finding me with my leg in a cast, having been standing on the piano bench with a ceiling fan resting on my back. But, yeah, the fan is up. I'm fine.

  36. Ceiling fans......tacky???? Excooose me, Alexa???? I LOVE them and hate air conditioning!
    I'm also glad you got over the elevator fear since having to throw you in one, in order to go someplace, was never my favorite thing to do!
    And, I laugh just thinking about all your 'bird' problems and the video cover I made for you.

  37. hahaha that's hilarious! i knew a girl once who had an irrational fear of CRUSHED VELVET. too funny.

  38. Dude I am scared of a ceiling fan. That blade could take off a hand! Like the seal did to Buster in Arrested Development.

  39. I ended up with an irrational fear of birds after seeing The Birds in 3-D. Very, very, very bad idea.

    I had a blade fall off my fan one time, but it didn't really come down fast enough to do any damage.

  40. Ok, so let me get this straight. The kid in the second video is voluntarily smacking himself in the head/face with something tied to his ceiling fan? And is scared shitless when it comes to hit him? WTF? Oh, and did you even notice the fact that he's sucking his thumb at the beginning of the video and grabbing his nuts towards the middle?


    The first one was clearly funny though. Go, go Power Rangers.

  41. I can't go to sleep if there are shoes on the floor in my room because I'm scared that if I wake up in the middle of the night I will think there's a person standing in my room and I will be forced to FREAK OUT AND SCREAM LIKE A GIRL. So I just put them elsewhere. Like the living room floor.

  42. I just sprayed Mountain Dew all over my computer. I did not expect that man to get wacked in the head with the fan. Holy shit that was funny.

    I'm afraid of mayonnaise. This isn't a joke. I have a recurring nightmare about suffocating in a vat of mayonnaise. It's frightening.

  43. Raccoons. *shudder* They're the worst.

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  46. There's this ceiling fan right above the bed and it squeaks and when it's off it pops and when it's on it moves like crazy and there's only like one screw holding it and it's right above the bed right above it! Just a few minutes ago u got so freaked out I turned it off fast and while I was Turing it off I was freaked out that the blade would go flying and kill me!! So I ducked by the bed while turning it off! And I am terrified of getting stuck in an elivator! I would rather clime several things of stairs! And I'm afraid of dying I mean im not the greatest person in the world... I hope to be better

  47. I am not worried about decapitation or it falling on me. My ceiling fan fear is I think it's alive. If I wake up in the middle of the night it seems like it's in a different spot on the ceiling. And the shadows are strange looking. It reminds me of a giant spider


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