this morning i got in my car and it took a really long time to turn over, and when it finally did it was just put-putting along. i couldn't get it to accelerate and all sorts of check engine, transmission, tire pressure lights were going off.
so i pulled back into my spot and my parking lot attendant came over to see what was going on. not being a car person and already annoyed at the situation i flatly said, "who the fuck knows".
well we opened the hood and this is what we found.
insert yelling, curse words, kicking and more yelling
foam insulation is funso basically an animal, which i later found out was a possum, ate my car.
ATE MY CAR!!!
since when are there possums running wild around downtown cleveland? this shit only happens to me.
well maybe not only me because it also happened to the overnight parking attendant who caught the possum in action late last night on her car and shooed it away. well, she shooed it away to my car where it snacked on my wiring.
awesome.
so as i stood on west 9th shaking my fist in the air and watching my car, my baby, get towed away i received an email from your friend and mine, narm, who had just seen my twitter update whining about an animal eating my car and it read as follows:
what the hell eats the wires of a car? was it a blind pig? or a winking lizard? or a flying monkey? or a velvet dog?
you totally aren't in the mood for joking about this yet, are you?
now this email, while funny, is just downright hilarious for us clevelanders because all of those animals he mentioned up there are all actual names of bars in my neighborhood - he's ridiculous.
while the email made me laugh, i still have no idea how much i'm going to have to put on my credit card to make my car work again which makes me sad. here's to hoping montrose volvo is an honest dealership!
anyways, it happened, a possum ate my baby.
but i have more important things to worry about right now, like how many beers i'm going to drink at the dave matthews band concert i'm going to tonight at blossom...
54 comments:
Are you sure it wasn't a dingo that ate your baby?
Seinfeld rules.
And I'm glad you laughed and didn't hunt me down and kick my shins. Thanks for that.
I have no words for that.
AHHH HAAA HAAAA!
But seriously... I'm not laughing AT you... I'm laughing WITH you... provided you're laughing...
I um, I , whaaa?
That just blows... sorry, girlie!
okay that's so crazy. hope it's not too expensive!
A possum? For real? Damn. I didn't even know shit like that could happen.
Possums scare the shit outta me!! Keep them away!
Wow, I've heard of a stray cat occupying a car but not a possum eating your car. That sucks! Hopefully someday this will be funny.
Fucking ninja opossums!
Dude, that was one stupid possum. There's no nutritional value in wires, you jackass possum!
oh my god!!!! that is so not cool!!!
I think I just fell in love with narm.
Wait, he's probably going to read this isn't he.
New topic:
I was going to say how sorry I am, but then I realized you're going to an effing DMB concert, and I no longer feel bad because you MUST LIKE TORTURE. Because they SUCK.
That sucks. Who would have thought that could even happen.
This sounds like something that would happen to me. But hey I guess there is still time for it to.
I have never heard of that in my life, that is crazy. Does insurance cover that?
Yuck. That sucks, but it makes for an amusing story all at the same time (expensive, considering you drive a Volvo, but amusing non-the-less).
Have fun at the concert! I am so jealous of you right now.
Oh my gosh!!! That IS crappy! Hope you had fun at the Dave concert tonight! Rt 8 was CRAZY backed up today cause of it!
That possum must die! I cannot believe that! That stinks girl, let's go a huntin'
That is absolutely ridiculous! Who would have thought a possum could do so much damage?
Here's to hoping your baby is back soon!
That is one very insane and hungry possum! Can't it even digest it? Dayum. I hope the dealership taking care of it for you, girlie.
As for how many beers, definitely as much as your tummy can handle. Drink it for the crazy possum.
What tha hell? Effin' possum!
You can take the possum out of the country, but you sure as hell can't take the country out of the possum. Ugh.
Possum was protesting the Cliff Lee trade.
narm - don't worrry, i'll kick you in the shins for good measure next time i see you.
allison - oh i had a few words, and most of them were four letters.
AAB - i'm starting to laugh (a little) about it
marie - my words exactly
ms salti - yes, yes it does and thanks!
katelin - it'll be expensive for progressive insurance, ha.
amindinmotown - me neither, ugh.
angela - if i would have seen it live and up close i would have freaked out!
mandy - i think it will be once i get my car back...
justjp - yeah i should probably name him leonardo
jill - i hope it made him sick!
novilista - no, not cool AT ALL.
maxie - i've been in love with him for a very long time, i already called dibs. and DMB does NOT suck, oh wait i forgot your favorite artist is lil wayne....
lbluca - you just jinxed yourself!
susan - thankfully i think it will cover it
ashley - yes, i think it will turn into something amusing, eventually but for now i'm still a bit bitter...
rachel - we didn't get stuck in any traffic thankfully
bayjb - i already bought a bb gun to shoot it
EP - i know right? i never would have thought it could be this bad!
andhari - don't worry, i drank plenty of beer and i hope the possum got diarrhea from my wires
zan - stupid animal, wires are for cars.
nilsa - and to think i don't live in the country.
peter - don't even get me started about the damn indians... grrrr.
I wish we had a bar named winking lizard, here in Denver.
that is too cool.
not the possom thing... but the lizard thing.
Ha, in Ittybittytown that happens a lot. One time my friend was driving around and something smelled bad in her car. Later we found a squirrel all chewed up from the fan under her hood. Yuck. Hope he didn't eat anything expensive.
Is there possum repellant?
Wait.
I'm not supposed to eat that foam stuff?
I thought it was cotton candy...
omg. wtf. SERIOUSLY. why would a possum even WANT to eat wiring?!?!
I can *kind* of relate. I had to have my engine replaced a couple of years ago because you know, I was young and stupid and never changed my oil (pleasedontholdthatagainstme)
Anyhoodle, it took the mechanic 6 MONTHS (yes you read that right) to get my car fixed and over $3,000 later my car smelled like rotting carcass. Do you want to know why? Because during the winter while my sad little car sat all alone at the sad little mechanics, a SQUIRREL family decided to inhabit my car. Until death did them part.
Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get the smell of rotting carcass out of a car with NO A/C?!?!
So, I feel for you, Girl. Wild animals and cars DO NOT MIX.
I propose an animal/bar pub crawl and may have to make the trip from Chicago just because.
Good thing you still havent forked up the extra 10 bucks to park inside in a warm garage
Ok, I'm obviously stupidly late to comment on this post, but I'm just catching up from being away all freaking summer, and seeing all those Cleveland bar names made me smile.... and made me a little sad, because I definitely miss the city... but mostly, it just made me smile.
So you know - thanks.
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