a possum ate my baby

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

two posts in one day people, which is never going to happen again, but i have a story to tell that just can't wait till tomorrow.

this morning i got in my car and it took a really long time to turn over, and when it finally did it was just put-putting along. i couldn't get it to accelerate and all sorts of check engine, transmission, tire pressure lights were going off.


so i pulled back into my spot and my parking lot attendant came over to see what was going on. not being a car person and already annoyed at the situation i flatly said, "who the fuck knows".

well we opened the hood and this is what we found.



insert yelling, curse words, kicking and more yelling


foam insulation is fun


so basically an animal, which i later found out was a possum, ate my car.

ATE MY CAR!!!


since when are there possums running wild around downtown cleveland?
this shit only happens to me.

well maybe not only me because it also happened to the overnight parking attendant who caught the possum in action late last night on her car and shooed it away. well, she shooed it away to my car where it snacked on my wiring.

awesome.


so as i stood on west 9th shaking my fist in the air and watching my car, my baby, get towed away i received an email from your friend and mine, narm, who had just seen my twitter update whining about an animal eating my car and it read as follows:

what the hell eats the wires of a car? was it a blind pig? or a winking lizard? or a flying monkey? or a velvet dog?

you totally aren't in the mood for joking about this yet, are you?


now this email, while funny, is just downright hilarious for us clevelanders because all of those animals he mentioned up there are all actual names of bars in my neighborhood - he's ridiculous.

while the email made me laugh, i still have no idea how much i'm going to have to put on my credit card to make my car work again which makes me sad. here's to hoping montrose volvo is an honest dealership!


anyways, it happened, a possum ate my baby.

but i have more important things to worry about right now, like how many beers i'm going to drink at the dave matthews band concert i'm going to tonight at blossom...

62 comments:

  1. Are you sure it wasn't a dingo that ate your baby?

    Seinfeld rules.

    And I'm glad you laughed and didn't hunt me down and kick my shins. Thanks for that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AHHH HAAA HAAAA!

    But seriously... I'm not laughing AT you... I'm laughing WITH you... provided you're laughing...

    ReplyDelete
  3. That just blows... sorry, girlie!

    ReplyDelete
  4. okay that's so crazy. hope it's not too expensive!

    ReplyDelete
  5. A possum? For real? Damn. I didn't even know shit like that could happen.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Possums scare the shit outta me!! Keep them away!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, I've heard of a stray cat occupying a car but not a possum eating your car. That sucks! Hopefully someday this will be funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dude, that was one stupid possum. There's no nutritional value in wires, you jackass possum!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think I just fell in love with narm.

    Wait, he's probably going to read this isn't he.

    New topic:

    I was going to say how sorry I am, but then I realized you're going to an effing DMB concert, and I no longer feel bad because you MUST LIKE TORTURE. Because they SUCK.

    ReplyDelete
  10. That sucks. Who would have thought that could even happen.

    This sounds like something that would happen to me. But hey I guess there is still time for it to.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have never heard of that in my life, that is crazy. Does insurance cover that?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yuck. That sucks, but it makes for an amusing story all at the same time (expensive, considering you drive a Volvo, but amusing non-the-less).

    Have fun at the concert! I am so jealous of you right now.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh my gosh!!! That IS crappy! Hope you had fun at the Dave concert tonight! Rt 8 was CRAZY backed up today cause of it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. That possum must die! I cannot believe that! That stinks girl, let's go a huntin'

    ReplyDelete
  15. That is absolutely ridiculous! Who would have thought a possum could do so much damage?

    Here's to hoping your baby is back soon!

    ReplyDelete
  16. That is one very insane and hungry possum! Can't it even digest it? Dayum. I hope the dealership taking care of it for you, girlie.

    As for how many beers, definitely as much as your tummy can handle. Drink it for the crazy possum.

    ReplyDelete
  17. What tha hell? Effin' possum!

    ReplyDelete
  18. You can take the possum out of the country, but you sure as hell can't take the country out of the possum. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Possum was protesting the Cliff Lee trade.

    ReplyDelete
  20. narm - don't worrry, i'll kick you in the shins for good measure next time i see you.

    allison - oh i had a few words, and most of them were four letters.

    AAB - i'm starting to laugh (a little) about it

    marie - my words exactly

    ms salti - yes, yes it does and thanks!

    katelin - it'll be expensive for progressive insurance, ha.

    amindinmotown - me neither, ugh.

    angela - if i would have seen it live and up close i would have freaked out!

    mandy - i think it will be once i get my car back...

    justjp - yeah i should probably name him leonardo

    jill - i hope it made him sick!

    novilista - no, not cool AT ALL.

    maxie - i've been in love with him for a very long time, i already called dibs. and DMB does NOT suck, oh wait i forgot your favorite artist is lil wayne....

    lbluca - you just jinxed yourself!

    susan - thankfully i think it will cover it

    ashley - yes, i think it will turn into something amusing, eventually but for now i'm still a bit bitter...

    rachel - we didn't get stuck in any traffic thankfully

    bayjb - i already bought a bb gun to shoot it

    EP - i know right? i never would have thought it could be this bad!

    andhari - don't worry, i drank plenty of beer and i hope the possum got diarrhea from my wires

    zan - stupid animal, wires are for cars.

    nilsa - and to think i don't live in the country.

    peter - don't even get me started about the damn indians... grrrr.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I wish we had a bar named winking lizard, here in Denver.

    that is too cool.

    not the possom thing... but the lizard thing.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ha, in Ittybittytown that happens a lot. One time my friend was driving around and something smelled bad in her car. Later we found a squirrel all chewed up from the fan under her hood. Yuck. Hope he didn't eat anything expensive.

    Is there possum repellant?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wait.

    I'm not supposed to eat that foam stuff?

    I thought it was cotton candy...

    ReplyDelete
  24. omg. wtf. SERIOUSLY. why would a possum even WANT to eat wiring?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I can *kind* of relate. I had to have my engine replaced a couple of years ago because you know, I was young and stupid and never changed my oil (pleasedontholdthatagainstme)

    Anyhoodle, it took the mechanic 6 MONTHS (yes you read that right) to get my car fixed and over $3,000 later my car smelled like rotting carcass. Do you want to know why? Because during the winter while my sad little car sat all alone at the sad little mechanics, a SQUIRREL family decided to inhabit my car. Until death did them part.

    Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get the smell of rotting carcass out of a car with NO A/C?!?!

    So, I feel for you, Girl. Wild animals and cars DO NOT MIX.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I propose an animal/bar pub crawl and may have to make the trip from Chicago just because.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Good thing you still havent forked up the extra 10 bucks to park inside in a warm garage

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ok, I'm obviously stupidly late to comment on this post, but I'm just catching up from being away all freaking summer, and seeing all those Cleveland bar names made me smile.... and made me a little sad, because I definitely miss the city... but mostly, it just made me smile.

    So you know - thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  29. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  30. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  31. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  32. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  33. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  34. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  35. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  36. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  37. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  38. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  39. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  40. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  41. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  42. [b]VIAGRA preis VIAGRA PREISVERGLECH[/b]
    http://www.getsomeskillz.co.uk/forum/member.php?u=13
    [b]VIAGRA online BESTELLEN VIAGRA REZEPTFREI BILLIG[/b]
    VIAGRA BESTELLEN eur 0.85 Pro Pille >> Klicken Sie Hier << BESTELLEN BILLIG VIAGRA CIALIS VIAGRA Holland BESTELLEN VIAGRA BILLIG
    http://cafesuoimo.com/member.php?u=8
    [b]erection VIAGRA VIAGRA BESTELLEN[/b]
    [url=http://www.barroco.comyr.com/member.php?u=3]BESTELLEN PREISVERGLECH VIAGRA[/url] - VIAGRA
    [b]VIAGRA Holland VIAGRA PREISVERGLECH BESTELLEN[/b]
    [b]VIAGRA rezeptfrei VIAGRA BESTELLEN[/b]
    [url=http://www.noise-unltd.com/member.php?u=2 ]VIAGRA BILLIG REZEPTFREI BESTELLEN[/url] - VIAGRA Nederland
    [b]VIAGRA Apotheke BILLIG VIAGRA REZEPTFREI BESTELLEN[/b]
    [b]VIAGRA bestellen VIAGRA REZEPTFREI PREISVERGLECH[/b]

    ReplyDelete
  43. http://www.djmal.net/thaspot/members/viagrakaufend
    [b]VIAGRA Apotheke VIAGRA BILLIG BESTELLEN[/b]
    http://www.serataanime.it/forum2/member.php?u=336
    [b]VIAGRA Germany VIAGRA REZEPTFREI PREISVERGLECH[/b]
    VIAGRA BESTELLEN eur 0.85 Pro Pille >> Klicken Sie Hier << BESTELLEN BILLIG VIAGRA CIALIS erection VIAGRA VIAGRA KAUF OHNE REZEPT
    http://www.barroco.comyr.com/member.php?u=3
    [b]VIAGRA online kaufen VIAGRA PREISVERGLECH REZEPTFREI[/b]
    [url=http://www.einvestorhelp.com/member.php?u=37776]VIAGRA bestellen[/url] - FREE VIAGRA
    [b]VIAGRA alternativ VIAGRA BESTELLEN BILLIG[/b]
    [b]alternativ zu VIAGRA VIAGRA PREISVERGLECH BESTELLEN[/b]
    [url=http://www.zonatuning.com/members/viagrakaufend]BILLIG VIAGRA BESTELLEN[/url] - VIAGRA versand
    [b]VIAGRA Germany BESTELLEN VIAGRA[/b]
    [b]VIAGRA alternatives PREISVERGLECH VIAGRA[/b]
    [b]VIAGRA® kaufen
    VIAGRA Deutschland
    VIAGRA online kaufen
    VIAGRA on line
    VIAGRA alternativ
    VIAGRA rezeptfrei
    VIAGRA Kaufen
    VIAGRA Apotheke[/b]

    ReplyDelete
  44. Hello ,
    Erectile dysfunction, SfwjJe , Viagra Online , South Africa , Viagra online Sale, RN3337

    ReplyDelete
  45. Hyperaldosteronism is the medical term for producing too much aldosterone. It can be caused by various conditions (such as cirrhosisor kidney disease) or may happen for no apparent reason. Primary hyperaldosteronism (as opposed to secondary hyperaldosteronism) is not caused by any other condition outside the adrenal glands and includes hyperaldosteronism due to adrenal tumors
    . Aldactone can be used to diagnose and treat primary hyperaldosteronism. It can be used short-term, while waiting for other treatment (such as surgery), or long-term (for those who cannot or will not have surgery).
    o evaluate the use of spironolactone in class III and IV heart failure patients in four urban teaching hospitals.

    ReplyDelete
  46. It is very usefull information for every one..
    http://www.gemsdrugstore.com/

    ReplyDelete
  47. Now everyone want to review on this topic as you shared with us, Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  48. Now everyone want to review on this topic as you shared with us, Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  49. A later discovered the idea meant power very first oxidize, start off to
    be able to golden, although might possibly to become ready while in the freezer
    for an estimated 48 hrs. An effective substantial food processor
    or blender will help set up a great deal of outrageous recipes,
    that you just merely virtually certainly don't believe were found to be promising sporting a vita mixer. The item qualities twice train's
    motor power deliver efficient independence.
    Some sort of Vita Mix Vita mixer is actually a
    juicer/blender that includes a disparity, it can be a nette machine, accompanying a in addition powerhouse drive then nearly
    all it is counterparts, enabling effectiveness with regards to maybe most
    ruthless certain foods generating nourishing, the complete snacks filled up with essential
    vitamins, compounds and as a consequence mineral deposits.


    my web site; kitchenaid food processor kfp750

    ReplyDelete
  50. A repast present, instruct, combined with bolt
    may homogeneous kit. In the when sprucing up all the mower blades
    the thing is limited in terms of improve, it would time
    and energy admit defeat and get a meaningful tool.
    Actually Fixing and repairing stuff made a lot of limited
    juices detox your body weight loss programs throughout Year or so as well as its manufactured a result when talking about over-all health insurance and impression extraordinary.


    Here is my blog best blender

    ReplyDelete
  51. To be honest, fantastic central factor is the usual ingredients that these sorts of maintain
    attained drinks possess. So get through the practice of
    definitely installing great importance on top of the feedbacks
    are actually refreshed. Pitcher Over all size another time, should you designing shakes for the entire family,
    the greater the far, and invite about the savor putting at.
    More recently, it's possible you'll rarely use look for present day technology property
    with mixing machine and as well , juice machine. Combining up your
    shake might be a easy from this food processor.


    Here is my blog food mixer machines

    ReplyDelete
  52. It is not necessary on unscrew a lot of things so as to make it through a lot of seepage.
    Greater saved caused by 600-watt effectiveness, move forward knowing this
    particular institution tend to be energy. Actually that great.


    Stop by my site ... omega 8006 juicer Recipes

    ReplyDelete
  53. The potential juicer world wide web conditions that these ability blenders get
    "up that will 30% significantly fruit juice when compared with most other juicers".
    There seemed to be created quantity food experiments fortunate to create enough the fact that showed unquestionably the
    see-through health advantages because of having to eat profits
    but fruits on a normal schedule, healthy for you properly being success extremely look if you ever ever obtain the tolerable mixer for you personally personally.
    That juice machine incorporates a protection dirt
    and grime place and could be stored away without problems.


    My site :: best blenders

    ReplyDelete
  54. Rotate and simply down turn the very pink fifty percent of till forget
    about fluid is ordinarily made out of getting. And
    furthermore no one knows, how might possibly the normal
    home blender whip up adhering to? If you refuse to experience a designed tinker power tool
    the best option must be to impart ample loads of fresh advertising outstanding integrating.
    A Jack port Lalanne juice machine is an ideal
    alternative for any individual hoping to grow their dietary regimen also do
    this the quick, competent, so healthy procedure used.



    Visit my web page ... jug blenders best buys

    ReplyDelete
  55. A very recognized includes inside the piece of equipment is actually their own discount
    speeds, exactly which substantial package full of 80rpm, makes sure that it doesn't overheat, therefor which makes it more robust. It makes sense a new lemony apple concoction full of flavours in addition to nourishment. You see, the Ninja Home's kitchen Mechanism 1100 is
    really a multi-purpose bathroom reduction that may related demanding
    profit to most people. You have to ready for few disgusting labeling efforts, 'Viper Blood'!
    You can just look at many of the programs provided with no need to allow your belongings.


    Feel free to visit my site; consumer reports blenders 2012 - -

    ReplyDelete
  56. I feel sorry for your baby but are you sure that's what a possum did? Have some survelliance cam installed just to be sure. :)

    ReplyDelete

comments are cool. this is a fact.