Blogcation Day #5!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

yes, people i know there WAS something wrong with my blog design. but now it's fixed thanks to splendid sparrow design coming to the rescue. also, shout out to @bcullen for helping me fix the code while everything was getting worked out.

so today i have a very special guest in blogger peter dewolf who is a fantastic writer that makes me want to do inappropriate naughty things to his written word - see below.


Hello, people. I'm Peter. No. It's true. This is Day #5 of my Blogcation. For some reason, Alexa thought it would be a good idea to host one of the posts. And then she got nervous about what topic I might choose to write about. That was probably wise...

Last week (week before?) I was shooting the poop with Alexa on gchat.

Peter: "Blah blah I'm adorable"

Alexa: "Blah blah Cleveland is awesome"

The she started telling me something about some friend who sent her some link for some dude's funny personal ad on some dating site.

I only get bits and pieces of the story because:

1) It had nothing to do with me.

2) I was singing Dashboard Confessional's "The Best Deceptions" at my desk.

But at some point it dawned on me that it might be fun for me to do a fake personal ad for myself as my guest post over here.

She... disagreed.

Alexa: "This is MY blog. If you think for one minute I'll allow the focus to shift to you... you have NO idea who you are messing with. The audacity!! By the power of Greyskull, I'll crush you--"

Peter: "Say 'Hi' to Muffin for me?"

Alexa: "--and toss your Canadian ass in Lake Erie... or whatever big lake is closest to Cleveland."

Peter: "Yeeaaaah. That's super."

I may be paraphrasing a tad.

It is entirely possible that part of her rage was due to the fact that I had recently told her that Lebron James straight up stole his silly powder tossing pre-game ritual thing from Kevin Garnett.

She did not like that. But it is a fact. And I can't understand why more people aren't calling him on it.

I also can't understand why I am sharing this fact on a Cleveland blog. Put down your pitchforks. I totally hope that he (and his powder puffs) re-sign long-term in Cleveland in the summer of 2010.

Anyway. I mentioned writing a post about my personal ad on here. Alexa threw a chair through a window. I took a couple steps back because, well, I wasn't married to the idea.

But then... But then, dear readers, I remembered that I put up a post about HER and her search for love (or lust or some light S&M) on MY blog. (The 457th most popular blog in southeastern Nova Scotia, no less!)

So I am going to write whatever I want. Hmmmph.

I took the format from that very personals ad for the boy that Alexa loooooooooooooooves and filled in my info.

My Self-Summary

6 feet, 4 inches of twisted steel and sex appeal.

Or, you know, tin foil and goofy charm.

What I'm doing with my life.

Taking a strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.

I'm really good at

16 different Canadian sex acts.

The first thing people usually notice about me

The face tattoo. Some people tell you they like Harry Potter.

Others prove it.

My favorite books, movies, music and food

Books, MOVIES, music and food, eh? I see what you're doing. You think you're soooo slick. You want me to admit it? Fine. I've seen TAKE THE LEAD (starring Antonio Banderas) more than once. So what? Nobody believed in those kids. Nobody! And ballroom dancing gave them hope. It made them think anything is possible and -- you know what? Screw you.

Screw. You.

The six things I could never do without

1) Pancakes

2) James' "Laid"

3) My Adidas Gazelles

4) Maybelline vibrating mascara

5) "The Manitoba Mouthful"

6) The ozone layer

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Kimmy Gibbler from "Full House"

On a typical Friday night I am

Dressing up as Kimmy Gibbler from "Full House"

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here

I thought I'd come up with funnier answers for these.

And I like your bum.

You should message me if

You are a woman who wants to be absolutely lavished with much attention and spoiling... until you do the slightest thing wrong and then are disowned with lightning quickness.

Or if you know Kimmy Gibbler.

Note: If any of this appeals to you, and you think we would fall in love, email Alexa. I am sure she'd love to hear about it.


  1. I do miss your header and I hope your blog designer answers back ASAP!

    Don't hate me, but Peter is right on the whole Lebron James stealing pre-game ritual from Kevin Garnett (ya I love my Celtics).

    I heart you Alexa!!!

    Slowly backing away now.....

  2. You seriously need to put your blog designer ON BLAST.

    I think about Kimmy Gibbler a lot. it is ok, Peter. That being said, I think the distance is just too far. You are geographically undesireable.

  3. "HI" Peter. Love, Muffin

  4. People who aren't Muffin: Thank you for your comments.

    Muffin: Hiiiiiiiiii.

  5. Hello.

    1. I have read "Hedda Gabler," but do not know Kimmy Gibbler.

    2. "Laid" is a song of great cultural import. I downloaded it onto my iTunes on March 26, 2004, five days before my 40th birthday.

    3. Lebron who?

    4. I will need a demonstration of "16 different Canadian sex acts" to determine that they are, in fact, Canadian and not Clevelandian (pronounced CLEHV-LEN-DEE-AN).

    5. I have magnificent breasts.

  6. Chucks are better than Adidas. And you have NO IDEA how amazing vibrating mascara is for umm... eyelashes.

    Yeah, those.

  7. I am going to shank your blog designer.

    And Peter, WTF...Kimmy Gibbler?

    THE PLUM-GCHAT ON THE BERRY! You are with me always now...

  8. I haven't thought of Kimmy Gibbler in forever! The sexual tension between her and Uncle Jessie always made me uncomfortable.

  9. I'm curious to find out what Alexa did exactly to piss Peter off. Everyone else got somewhat erotic stories while she got an ode to Kimmy Gibbler being a hand held fantasy.

  10. Lavished with spoiling AND attention? Count me in.

  11. I wish I had the subtle charm of a Kimmy Gibbler. Alas, I cannot leash my over the top sexkittenesqueitude.

  12. Alexa, I think you may have earned my finders' fee! Let's make this happen. AAB + Peter = match made in blog dating heaven (minus Muffin effing it all up)

  13. my friend lives next door to Kimmy Gibbler. HAVE MERCY!

  14. 6 feet 4 inches of tin foil and goofy charm..

    how in the WORLD could I resist?!

  15. I will hate myself in the morning for asking this, but what (or who) is "The Manitoba Mouthful?"

  16. "16 different Canadian sex acts."

    Hmm, I thought Canadians only had 10 sex acts. I must have been sleeping with the wrong Canadians.

  17. Yeah I googled The Manitoba Moutful and came up with jack. I can only assume that it must be one of Canada's sex acts?

  18. "...Rochelle, Rochelle!"

    I guess that's better than the Taylor Swift song that WAS in my head.

  19. G*ddamn that is a sexy blog. I missed looking at it and I'm so glad it's back! Seriously, so glad you got this all worked out. Welcome back baby.

  20. Is the vibrating mascara really that good? I have been debating trying it, but am not sure. Message me?

  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


Comments are cool. This is a fact.