yes, people i know there WAS something wrong with my blog design. but now it's fixed thanks to splendid sparrow design coming to the rescue. also, shout out to @bcullen for helping me fix the code while everything was getting worked out.
so today i have a very special guest in blogger peter dewolf who is a fantastic writer that makes me want to do inappropriate naughty things to his written word - see below.
Hello, people. I'm Peter. No. It's true. This is Day #5 of my Blogcation. For some reason, Alexa thought it would be a good idea to host one of the posts. And then she got nervous about what topic I might choose to write about. That was probably wise...
Last week (week before?) I was shooting the poop with Alexa on gchat.
Peter: "Blah blah I'm adorable"
Alexa: "Blah blah Cleveland is awesome"
The she started telling me something about some friend who sent her some link for some dude's funny personal ad on some dating site.
I only get bits and pieces of the story because:
1) It had nothing to do with me.
2) I was singing Dashboard Confessional's "The Best Deceptions" at my desk.
But at some point it dawned on me that it might be fun for me to do a fake personal ad for myself as my guest post over here.
Alexa: "This is MY blog. If you think for one minute I'll allow the focus to shift to you... you have NO idea who you are messing with. The audacity!! By the power of Greyskull, I'll crush you--"
Peter: "Say 'Hi' to Muffin for me?"
Alexa: "--and toss your Canadian ass in Lake Erie... or whatever big lake is closest to Cleveland."
Peter: "Yeeaaaah. That's super."
I may be paraphrasing a tad.
It is entirely possible that part of her rage was due to the fact that I had recently told her that Lebron James straight up stole his silly powder tossing pre-game ritual thing from Kevin Garnett.
She did not like that. But it is a fact. And I can't understand why more people aren't calling him on it.
I also can't understand why I am sharing this fact on a Cleveland blog. Put down your pitchforks. I totally hope that he (and his powder puffs) re-sign long-term in Cleveland in the summer of 2010.
Anyway. I mentioned writing a post about my personal ad on here. Alexa threw a chair through a window. I took a couple steps back because, well, I wasn't married to the idea.
But then... But then, dear readers, I remembered that I put up a post about HER and her search for love (or lust or some light S&M) on MY blog. (The 457th most popular blog in southeastern Nova Scotia, no less!)
So I am going to write whatever I want. Hmmmph.
I took the format from that very personals ad for the boy that Alexa loooooooooooooooves and filled in my info.
6 feet, 4 inches of twisted steel and sex appeal.
Or, you know, tin foil and goofy charm.
What I'm doing with my life.
Taking a strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.
I'm really good at
16 different Canadian sex acts.
The first thing people usually notice about me
The face tattoo. Some people tell you they like Harry Potter.
Others prove it.
My favorite books, movies, music and food
Books, MOVIES, music and food, eh? I see what you're doing. You think you're soooo slick. You want me to admit it? Fine. I've seen TAKE THE LEAD (starring Antonio Banderas) more than once. So what? Nobody believed in those kids. Nobody! And ballroom dancing gave them hope. It made them think anything is possible and -- you know what? Screw you.
The six things I could never do without
2) James' "Laid"
3) My Adidas Gazelles
4) Maybelline vibrating mascara
5) "The Manitoba Mouthful"
6) The ozone layer
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Kimmy Gibbler from "Full House"
On a typical Friday night I am
Dressing up as Kimmy Gibbler from "Full House"
The most private thing I'm willing to admit here
I thought I'd come up with funnier answers for these.
And I like your bum.
You should message me if
You are a woman who wants to be absolutely lavished with much attention and spoiling... until you do the slightest thing wrong and then are disowned with lightning quickness.
Or if you know Kimmy Gibbler.
Note: If any of this appeals to you, and you think we would fall in love, email Alexa. I am sure she'd love to hear about it.