just the tip

ode to the Q-tip
by alexa M-tip

oh how you sit in my bathroom so white

after the shower i leap to grab you so tight

into my ear you go

as ear wax is a major no no

just the tip of your tip goes into my ear

for a moment, a second just to see how it feels

your cotton so soft on my ear canal

we have become so close that you can call me al

so many uses you offer to me

from cleaning and painting you fill me with glee

and make up smudges don't scare me at all

because you remove the stray eye shadow dust that does fall

oh Q-tip!

oh Q-tip!

i simply don't know what it is i would do

if i didn't have little 'ol you


THE END


*snaps* *snaps* *snaps* *snaps*

cleveland blogger brain trust

my friend blogging jason was cordial enough to decide to invite a few cool kids of the cleveland blogging community over to his place for some food, fun, wine and geeking out over our social media obsession.

there wasn't any live blogging or twittering but there was a twitpic showing the group with a few of our ten bottles of wine that were polished off. apparently not only are we smart and witty but we are winos.

everyone brought a dish to share, except myself who shared three bottles of wine. and i was seriously impressed with the culinary creations. who knew that blogging jason, narm and matt could cook? (kelly and jose i already knew you guys could, ha.)

for example did you know that you can make curry chicken puffs AND curry chicken rice crispy treats? yes, i said curry chicken rice crispy treats. snap, crackle and pop probably didn't know what they were getting themselves into with that one. but damn did they look amazing.

as did the fun cleveland blogger group.

matt from addicted to vinyl, jason from blogging jason, jose from sensory overload, narm from white-collar redneck, and the lovely kelly (the better half of jose) also from sensory overload.

with the cleveland blogger brain trust that was gathered we had lots to talk about, lots of ideas, and lots of cleveland love.

there also may have been a drunken domain name purchase via my blackberry at the end of the night. but i'm going to go ahead and hold that one in my back pocket to share with you all at a later date.

oh the suspense.

can you hear me in the back?

i was sitting at a restaurant recently minding my own business when i heard a muffled version of usher's yeah coming from a girls fake leather bag at the table next to me.

my first thought was to let lil' john drop the beat that makes my booty go (clap), and my second thought was that at one point in 2004/2005 that song was a ringtone on my cellphone.

and then i laughed at myself - out loud.

back in the day when "real music" ringtones were first hitting the scene replacing MIDI tones i thought they were the coolest thing since caller id.

i purchased ringtones for almost all of my friends - free ringtones were for the birds. songs like ludacris' you's a ho (which i still know all the words to), biggie's juicy (it's all good baby baby), and michael jackson's smooth criminal.

i even took it to a secondary level of rings categorizing friend into groups. i.e. my college friends got enrique's escape and family members got we are family sister sledge's we are family (original, i know).

once i took it to a third tertiary level assigning text message tones i knew i had a problem. i didn't want my next step to be downloading glitter wallpapers.

so i deleted all of my ringtones and became best friends with vibrate mode.

bzzzzz bzzzzz bzzzzzz ::pause:: ::pause:: buzzzzz buzzzzz buzzzzz

but once i got my blackberry i stopped using vibrate altogether, only having it on vibrate mode when i'm out and it's in my pocket. i'm a silent mode girl now, a reformed ringtone junky. all i need now is that nice little red light that blinks when i have a new message. simple.

it seems as if i have come full circle. from obnoxious ringtones, to vibrate mode, to the crisp sound of silence.

what's the alert on your cell?

mr clean

normally my monday blog post is a recap of all my fun weekend times going out in cleveland with my friends. well this weekend was a bit different - it didn't involve alcohol, not a sip.

after work on friday i met my family for dinner at lanning's steakhouse to celebrate my aunt's (tia jo) birthday. i had a wonderful meal and enjoyed my family but died a little inside when i couldn't enjoy a nice glass of pinot noir with my meal. (diets suck)

after dinner i came directly home because i had an important date the next day with some hot fellas...









these guys were beyond awesome, they knew that this dirty girl's apartment needed a cleaning and knew just how to give it to me. they made me bend, reach and stretch in curious positions. they made me sweat.

after it was all over the only thing i could do was smoke a cigarette and bask in the glow of my clean apartment.

maybe this weekend i'll take up needlepoint.

now i'm going to share something that only the lucky get to see - a part of my bedroom floor.

gentlemen, calm yourself.

i swear i have colors other than taupe in my bedroom

you see, that part of my bedroom floor, is rarely not covered with 62 some odd articles of black clothing - shirts, dresses, pants, jeans, sweats, hoodies and shoes. 59 of them being clean and straight from the laundry waiting to be put away yet somehow never making it to the drawer/closet.

let's see how long this floor stays clean.

prune of the week 2.20.09

why is it that on too many prime time tv shows to count the leading ladies are always drinking straight up liquor?

and by straight up i mean, neat. no ice, no mixer, no fruit - just them, the bottle and a highball glass.

think about it, how many actresses have you seen sashay up to the bar and order a scotch, neat? heck, i witnessed it on private practice literally just now.

or how about after coming home from a long day at the office the actress opens the cupboard and pours themselves a warm glass of vodka just to sip on?

how about the young 20 something starlet sitting with her girlfriends swirling around tumbler glass of dewers straight?

wrong.

this doesn't happen in real life people! i've worked in a restaurant and bartended on and off for over 6 years, from dive bars to fine dining, and i have never ever EVER taken an order from a woman ordering scotch straight up.

so where are all these women drinking scotch neat hiding that has caused tv and movie writers to include them chugging it in their scripts so often?

{raises fist in rage}

i don't understand why this is bothering me so much, because it's not like television shows are exactly true to real life. because if that were the case i'd be bumping uglies with jack AND sawyer while time traveling on a remote island.

and i digress...

back to the actresses drinking colored water that looks like scotch - if you haven't noticed this epidemic on movies and television before, you will now pick up on it all the time. i've made you aware.

i apologize in advance.

20SB vlog day 2.0

so today is twenty something blogger video blog day, or vlog day or whatever odd name you want to give it.

the topic assigned was to show something that you love. which is exactly what i did below. i highlighted a couple of things i love actually.

much like my first vlog (which you should also watch), i only allowed myself one take. no do overs.

i hope you enjoy a little one and a half minute peek into my life - and i promise i don't normally sound so peppy and excited - but alas, the one take only rule sticks....

no means yes and yes means no

this whole he's just not that into you movie thing has got me thinking.

why is it always about the guy not being into the girl. that's a little sexist right? so i decided that to be fair i want to talk about when SHE'S just not that into you.

you being the douchebag in the puka shell necklace. yeah, you.

top ten ways to tell if SHE'S just not that into you. listen up boys.

1. she won't return your call. or if she does return your call it's in the form of a text message telling you how busy she's been.

2. she tries to hook you up with every single one of her single friends but herself.

3. she sleeps with one of your best friends.

4. she won't introduce you to her friends and family. pssst, she's hiding you!

5. she won't make eye contact with you, instead she is scanning the bar. and that wink? it's just something in her eye.

6. she only calls/texts you when its 2am after the bar. she's doing that because she didn't meet anyone better that night.

7. she only talks to you online. emails/gchats/facebook are a great form of communication and a great way to get to know a person but eventually the correspondence needs to be face to face. if she doesn't want to meet up with you, you're screwed.

8. if she runs away LIKE THIS every time she see you. (seriously click on the link, it's hilarious and worth it)

9. she tells you she's on her period as an excuse not to sleep with you four weekends in a row. boom, roasted.

10. she has a restraining order out on you and you can't step within 100 feet of her - very bad sign.

now considering that i personally have done #2 and #3 to boys that i have very much been interested in proves one thing.

women are confusing as fuck.

what did i miss? what do you do when you simply aren't into the person?

need a boost?

a nice relaxing weekend in canton, ohio was just what i needed. my sissy was even home! it was the perfect combination of family and friend time.

after a big fat greek valentine's day dinner at my uncle david and tia jo's house i left the fam and met up with j-birdie and keter-o (who were in from columbus), at big city chop house where they were wrapping up dinner with keter-o's parents.

we all wanted to go out and meet our friends but we weren't so keen on where they were.

you see my friend nick is a wrestling coach at a local high school and my friend biscuit is a part of the wrestling team's booster club so because two of our good friends were putting this event together we felt obligated to attend. at least it was for a good cause right?

but when j-birdie and i walked into the athletic club i couldn't do anything but awkwardly laugh. i was completely out of my element. while i was rocking my cute dress and hot designer shoes, the moms around me had horrible chunked highlights and were wearing crocs.

thank god for my friends being there. them and the keg of beer and $1 tequila shots.

we gambled a bit, drank some keg beer and ended up doing the cuban cupid shuffle on the dance floor.

i can blend in anywhere - seriously, it's a gift.

there was one itty bitty little thing that summed up the entire wrestling booster club monte carlo night at the athletic club for me.

the one image that anyone could look at and think, oh i've been there. i've the eaten canned green beans on a styrofoam plate.


the FRANZIA BUFFET...

making booster club events sexy since 1982.

lots of randomness rolled into one

who has two thumbs and blogs on a saturday?

this girl!

things i've done so far today
1. ate bacon
2. watched dazed and confused
3. caught up on blogs
4. signed my mom up for facebook
5. ate bacon while being awesome and NOT thinking about it being valentine's day

things i plan on doing later today
1. eat something with bacon on it
2. go see confessions of a shopaholic
3. go to my aunt's for a valentine's day dinner with all of my family - even my sister who is home visiting from NYC
4. meet up with my north canton friends where i will drink enough vodka to kill a small dinosaur

moving on.

i feel like i should do a proper twestival cleveland recap, but that was two days ago (decades ago in blog time), so i'll just post a picture that i took of a few of my favorite cleveland twitters.

@sehart, @kpoor, @lzone, @benji08, @cklenotic, and @abkidd

the event was a great success - we raised over $1400 for charity:water and had 67 people in attendance. when can we do it again?

so just in time for valentine's day i got an amazing package from fizzgigabyte who writes the blog it's all about me! deal with it!. now i've won blog giveaway's before but damn did she go all out. i got tons of candy and cookies, the DVD fever pitch, a funny little clock and a HILARIOUS framed picture of her cat. so funny. thanks lady!

in closing, i found this e-card on the someecard site and i think it pretty much sums up what i'm thinking today. i'm positive that my ideal match is out there somewhere but he can pretty much go F himself for hiding. haha.


happy valentine's day lovers! and my valentine i posted last year this time still applies.

so i wrote you a letter

dear blogger platform,

i appreciate you, really i do. hell, you are a google product - no other blogger platform can say they are part of that impressive family tree. i really like the followers of this blog thing too. see, i ever added it over there to the right.

but i have one small wish as a user. can you please allow me to respond to my comments individually? PLEASE? i go to all of my friends blogs who use wordpress and i'm jealous of their easy comment response system right under the actual comment!

let's make this happen.

love,
alexa


dear twitter,

since i'm writing to you i figured i should keep each paragraph under 140 characters. got maintain the rules.

i think it's really cool that someone has put together the twestival charity event and that we are having one in cleveland - tonight!

i like helping charity, i like consuming beer and pizza at the harry buffalo downtown, and i like my twitter friends. oh, the warm fuzzies.

i hope that more people come and participate in @twestival_cle tonight at 6pm with me - it's only $15 at the door.

see you tonight,
@clevelandsaplum



dear grapefruit,

somehow my mom has talked me into starting your diet on monday. what was i thinking?

i don't even like you and your sour taste.

but i'll drink/eat you if it'll help me lose 20lbs before i go to NYC in march.

skeptically yours,
alexa


dear valentine's day,

normally you don't bother me, you're just yet another day on the calendar that i don't receive a dozen red roses from my imaginary boyfriend.

but this year you had to go and really flaunt yourself by falling on a friggin' saturday. ooooooo look at you all dolled up for a saturday night out.

saturday nights are my night to go out and have fun with my friends but this saturday because it's V-day all of my friends will be on hot dates. maybe next year i'll like you a little more.

slightly bitter, yet optimistic,
sexy lexy

let them eat oatmeal

i eat low sugar instant Quaker Oatmeal 4 out of 5 mornings for breakfast while at work.

there are so many flavors varieties that i can't get tired of it. i do get tired of cleaning the oatmeal bowl though, that stuff sticks!

either that or i'm a horrible dishwasher - i'm going to go with the latter on this one. regardless of my bad oatmeal bowl cleaning habit i'm not going to stop eating the stuff. 1. because it's good for you and 2. because quaker oatmeal is doing some really good things to help fight hunger.

i was recently asked to participate in Quaker Oats' 25 bloggers in 25 days start with substance campaign to help the hungry, which in and of itself is a huge honor.

but this is where you come in - i need your help to raise $5,000 for the cleveland food bank!

here's how it works... this contest is going to run for 24 hours on my blog, from 9am central time on february 11th to 9am central time on february 12th - we have a deadline people!

the rules are simple, just follow the steps below:

step one: go to the Quaker start with substance website and click on the link to the Quaker facebook page.

step two: become a fan of Quaker Oatmeal, then scroll down to find and download the pdf image of the Quaker man on the right side of the page

step three: print it out and take a photo or video of yourself with the Quaker man. next, upload the photo to the Quaker facebook page. remember, you must become a fan of Quaker Oats to be able to upload your picture.

step four: come back here and leave a comment with a link to your facebook picture submission.

the blogger with the most reader submissions within the 24 hour period will get the opportunity to select a hunger charity of their choice (the cleveland food bank) to receive a $5,000 donation made to the charity by the Quaker Oats company.

you can find the official contest terms and conditions here. (i.e. keep it G rated with the picture submissions)

also, if you choose to participate (pretty pretty please) i have some coupons to giveaway to randomly selected commenters. and simply because of my participation in the start with substance campaign the cleveland food bank will receive a donation of one case of Quaker Oatmeal - which is a wonderful gift, but don't we want to go for the $5,000!?!?

i thought so.

what are you waiting for? why are you still reading this? go to the facebook page!

i know you aren't working THAT hard right now - please go print out the oh so sexy Quaker man and help out a great and worthy cause.

thank you!

MAGAS

detroit, michigan + vegas = MAGAS

or so that's what i came up with as the klutz, georgia peach and i drove the yuppie mobile across the ohio state line into michigan on saturday.

what happens in MAGAS stays in MAGAS people.

as we rolled into the lobby of the MGMgrand detroit i was pleasantly surprised. it's was pimp (i.e. really really cool), the decorating was impressive as well as the service - way more so than i expected.

the rooms were also tech geeked out which always impresses me. i guess i don't travel enough cause i have never seen the computerized mini-bar security where if you even pick an item up from the mini-bar fridge it knows it and your room is automatically charged. so sneaky!

muffin applying some make-up in our hotel room bathroom - check out the flat screen.

the klutz, lastic, muffin, beth, julie and georgia peach before dinner

besides the gambling another reason for our day-trip was to check out michael symon's restaurant Roast in the westin book cadilac hotel. i mean we have to represent the cleveland foodie scene even while traveling.

the seven of us sat down at a nice table, ordering martinis and couple bottles of wine. our server teresa, while a spazz seemed like she had it together.

the red wine was served in a nice decanter - the pouring technique was cool too.

from doing my online menu research i already knew what i was going to order: the warm spinach salad, filet with crab bearnaise and the creamed spinach with feta cheese side. once i got to the table my order didn't change. the rest of the girls order various entrees but three went with the "roasted beast of the day", suckling pig - weirdish name, but oh so good in your mouth.

the favorite part of my meal was the warm spinach salad: fried egg, mushrooms, bacon, crispy pig ears and spinach (duh).

- SO GOOD -

the whole group agreed, the food was amazing - such a great meal. the only downer was our crazy server who took 45 minutes to get our bill figured out. we told her from our first drink order that the bill was going to be separated four ways. it shouldn't have been as difficult as it was for her. it was almost comical, we could see her yelling at the computer screen. i had to literally take her pen and write down what was supposed to be on mine and the peach's bill after she messed it up three times prior.

it was so bad that the support staff kept coming up apologizing for our waitresses issues. after about 35 minutes, what looked like a pre-pubescent "manager" came up and didn't even apologize for the delay simply stated that sometimes a bill can take while. it stunk because the food and experience was so good up to that point, i wish we didn't leave with such a horrible billing experience. seriously, FORTY FIVE minutes isn't acceptable - EVER.

upon heading back to the MGMgrand everyone wanted to go dancing at ignite, one of the bars in the hotel. i wasn't feeling it though, i wanted to gamble. so i headed to the casino floor solo - ain't no shame.

a double shot of patron later i was down $50, then up $50 - you know how it goes. meanwhile the girls were making friends at ignite....

coat owner: "i put on for my city. on on for my city. put on. put on."

georgia peach and the klutz decided shortly after me that they wanted to hit that casino as well. we met up at the $1 wheel of fortune slots (my favorite). we each put $20 in and on my last $3 pull i won $250!!! i quickly cashed out to find that the klutz was suddenly up over $300 - the roomies were winners!

our favorite neighbor? not so much.

georgia peach: $0.25 -- alexa: $251.00 -- sad eyes peachy, sad eyes.

by now the money winners were ready to party but detroit isn't vegas at all when it comes to drinking. the bars stopped serving alcohol at 1:30am and all alcohol had to be removed from the casino floor by 2am. while that may have been a buzzkill at the time it was probably for the best because not only did having to stop drinking cause me to not have a hangover today but it stopped me from spending my winnings.

all in all the one night trip was a blast and i totally want to plan another one in the near future. who's coming with me?

.......

on the drive home we stopped at crocker park to see the movie "he's just not that into you" and while there were times in the movie where i was cringing at certain characters, thinking why the hell are they doing that, it was a good cringe.

i absolutely loved this movie. LOVED.

and i don't care how happy or unhappy being single, or how happy or unhappy being married or in a relationship you are, everyone both males and females will find something in this movie that they can relate to. go see it.

have a good week kids.

are you sure you want to know?

preface: this blog is brought to you by the bottle of "bitch" wine that i'm drinking i just polished off. (thanks court)

this post has yet another connection to lilu because she stepped up to the challenge of asking me a series of questions which i will answer below. if you would like to participate check out the rules at the end of the post.

1. Admit the three songs that you are most ashamed of being in LUUUUURVE with.

now i don't think i'm ashamed of these songs because of how much i love them, but some of my friends may be ashamed of how many times i listen to them...

"here's the thing, we started out friends" - kelly clarkson, since you've been gone - i love this song so much, it reminds me of some really good times in north canton.

"you better count your money" - bone thugs n harmony, ghetto cowboy - i know every word to this song - you have time to memorize such things when you are in high school. also, cleveland represent!

"here's, how it goes" - enrique iglesias, escape - this song sums up my senior year of college at university of dayton and dancing to our choreographed routine with all of my best friends. this song will be played at my wedding.

2. What is the first thing you notice about a guy when you meet him? About a girl? How about after they open their mouth; what's the one characteristic they could display that would be an absolute deal-breaker for you, as far as considering a friendship/relationship goes?

hey lilu doesn't this count as like four questions in one?

1. whether they have dark hair or not.
2. what kind of purse she is carrying. i'm a bag snob, shoot me.
3. for the guy, i can tell if he is condescending. for the girl, i don't think i can pin point it - it's like a sixth sense for me. i'm an excellent judge of character and am almost never proven wrong when it comes to it.
4. this answer is the same for a guy and girl... i have a long standing theory that if a person doesn't have any long term same sex friendships it's a major red flag.

3. What is a movie from your childhood years that you absolutely can't resist watching a bit of if you happen across it on TV?

there's quite a few that i simply can't pass by - the sandlot, home alone, goonies, hook, mighty ducks, the little mermaid, sixteen candles, wayne's world, dirty dancing, back to the future (all of them), the neverending story, princess bride and feris bueller's day off.

4. If you had to live in one place for the rest of your life, but you were crazy rich, where would it be? Now how about if you still had to, but after you were magically moved there with the help of fairy dust and animated Disney creatures, you would be incredibly poor?

if i were crazy rich i would still live in cleveland for the rest of my life. i would just travel a whole hell of a lot more - specifically to st john in the virgin islands.

if julia roberts as tinkerbell flew by me while i was swimming with the ariel and i suddenly became poor i would still stay in cleveland. basically being poor sucks, really sucks, so it doesn't matter what city you are in it's going to be miserable. you might as well stay in a city where you know a few people and can get some handouts. see how i think?

5. Which would be harder for you; to tell someone you love them... or that you don't love them back?

other than my family and friends i haven't ever told anyone that i loved them in a serious way. extremely sad, but true.

telling someone i don't love them back? i've been that girl a few times, even if i was lying when i said i didn't.

if you'd like to play along, just follow these instructions:

1. leave me a comment saying, "interview me"
2. i will respond by emailing you five questions. be sure you link back.
3. you will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else.
4. when others comment asking to be interviewed, you will asked them five questions.

like a wolf in sheep's clothing

as i mentioned yesterday i have lived in the same apartment and neighborhood for the last three years. i have also parked in the same parking lot for that time as well.

i have a bit of a walk (a little over a block), but i save $50 a month by parking where i do. but that's not the point of this post.

everyday at least twice a day, if not more, i walk passed a place called the griffon gallery.

if one does some simple math, that's minimally 2190 times.

during all of those 2190 times walking passed the store and i have never seen it open. EVER. i have never even seen a person in the gallery let alone a customer with a bag walking out.

now one may think the store is closed but i know it can't be because the window displays are changed regularly - every month or so. and they are actually cool - fun artwork paired with kitschy type goods. if i could actually go in maybe i would buy something.

there are also "hours" listed on the door but they are blatantly false. a month ago i saw a light on in the back of the store and freaked out realizing that i have to get to the bottom of this so called gallery.

i need to know - it's driving me crazy. what's really going on in there? (said exactly like jerry seinfeld in my head)

drugs? money laundering? brothel? illegal alien hideout? FBI undercover operation?

secretly i hope it is something fabulous and that the owners will somehow see this blog, contact me, fill me in on their rouse and make me rich.

or, worst case scenario, they beat me up with a sock full of nickels cause i'm busting their cover.

shit, now i'm nervous - maxie, take good care of my blog when i'm gone.

heart on the lake

dear cleveland,

well hello there beautiful, how you doing today?

i wanted to write to you and just let you know that i appreciate you taking me in with open arms. see, it was three years ago this week that i moved to the fine city that you are. since i grew up an hour south of you i had a pretty good feel of everything you had to offer but after living downtown for these past three years it's only made me love you that much more.

three years in the warehouse district, three years in the same apartment, three years with the same fabulous neighbors and three years of constantino's market and maproom taking a quarter of my paycheck.

who would have thought that when i fled little c-town (canton) to start fresh that i would have ended up so happy. i've created a nice little niche for myself here and i don't plan on leaving anytime soon.

i.e. you're stuck with me.

also, thanks for letting me use your name to start up this blog - do i owe you royalty money? hope not cause about all i can pay you with is awesomeness. thankfully though i have enough of that to go around.

there are a couple of things i would like to mention:

first, can you please get someone to fill the potholes on the east side of st clair? secondly, can you somehow guarantee that the cavs will not only make it to the eastern conference finals but win the NBA championship? thirdly, a way guarantee that i never move is to present me with a talk dark and handsome man that makes me laugh. thanks.

i think that's about it for me just wanted to make sure you knew that i loved you. here's to another three years.

stay classy,

alexa

sunday funday

yesterday was a blast and definitely made up for the sucky friday. thanks to good friends and fun at mulberry's in the flats superbowl party.

they had a great deal going $25 for all you can drink draft beer and all you can eat food. and considering we got there at 1pm and left well after the game eating lunch AND dinner there i think we got our $25 worth.

but for now i'm just going to post some pics from yesterday to try to fool you all into thinking this is a legitimate blog post. i'll be back to real blogging tomorrow.

the gangs all here - it was so warm out yesterday!

court and the klutz rocking out the halftime 3D glasses

before: court in the snow

after: it's a snow angel!!

so as you all know this is a cleveland based blog (check the title), and i'm supposed to hate the steelers. which i do when they are playing the browns.

but i have a confession - i was rooting for the steelers to win the superbowl. i think i'll just blame the fact that one of my best friends teen (seen below) is a die hard fan.

maybe living with her for all those years in college rubbed off on me in someway. thankfully her fashion sense didn't rub off on me...

the picture i got from teen right before her team won.

here's to seeing the browns in next years superbowl - i'm counting on you mangini!