baby you can't drive this car

Thursday, February 11, 2010

first off, congratulations to shannon, teen, mandy, maxie and ms. salti, who were all randomly chosen from the comments left in my dove visibly smooth VIP party post - email me your addresses and i'll get you your own stick of dove visibly smooth! _____________________________________________________________________

i've written too many posts to count about endless downtown parking lots issues, but for once this parking lot tale doesn't involve anything happening to my little yuppie mobile.

thank. god.

so for as long as i've lived in the bridgeview apartment building, (four years yesterday, to be exact!), there has been a certain fixture on one of the underground parking lot levels.

to set the stage i'll give you an idea of what my parking garage looks like.

a view of my parking garage from the stairs i walk up to get to my apartment

behold the lonely, creepy, dirty, hogging a good parking spot, chrysler hatchback something or other that i pass everyday

i've watched the above car for years, even before i started parking in the garage myself because georgia peach's spot was right next to this little gem back in the day.

almost daily i walk by this abandoned car and think of ridiculous stories as to how it came to its possible final resting place.

- an old man left bridgeview apartments 100K to pay for the parking spot and keep it warm for eternity
- there's a dead body in the hatchback
- it's a transformer, ya know, robots in disguise, and when no one is watching it's really a bentley

well yesterday i decided to do a little bit more investigating on this car.

so does the 92 mean it's a 1992 model?

there's still a license plate in the back, but according to the tag this car hasn't been street legal since november Y2K. in other news, i would take this license plate design any day over the weird farmville one ohio just instated, yuck.

apparently gabriala "the whore/slut" really doesn't like this bryce character...

busted headlight, flat tire, dirt and all i still kinda love the 'lil guy

i may or may not have to refrain myself more times than i care to admit from writing inappropriate things on the hood and or windshield but yesterday while taking these pictures i realized that i NEEDED to write something funny on this car.

but what should i write?

i'm going to let you guys decided.

leave a comment giving me a phrase, any phrase, to write on the car and i'll pick an awesome one to doodle on the car, and of course take a picture for proof.

awwww, my little dirty petite car, i'll decorate you up something fierce - promise.


  1. obviously you write your blog url.

    and i'm so happy i won the deodorant because i smell horrible.

  2. I won?! I won!! I never win anything! YAY! And as for the car saying? You should totally write:

    "Don't you wish your wife was this dirty?"

  3. Write "Peter wants to know more about this Gabriala person."

    What? I bet she's just misunderstood.

  4. My friends across the street had one of those growing up ... way to bring back the memories!

    I'm pretty sure anything I could come up with wouldn't come close to Shannon's idea. I second hers!

  5. how about,

    move your fucking car so i can park here good spot stealer!

    that should fit on that hood

  6. "these pretzels are making me thirsty"
    ?? - i got nothing :)

    also - i have an extreme hatred for the new license plates, i'm glad other people dont like them as well!

  7. Holy Shit? Your management just lets that car sit there? Thats incredible. I third Shannons idea. Thats just classic.

    I dont like the new license plate either, they remind me too much of PA's plates.

  8. i like your blog address.
    or you could write...



    ps. we skee tonight at 8 (same time as the cavs!)

  9. Ahhh....memories. My very first car was a red Horizon I got for $500 back in high school. I called it Hordon, because the Horizon logo fell off and what was left looked like Hordon.

    I say write on the hood, "Free car to good home. Please tow me."

    Or call the cops and report the abandoned car. They might tow it to impound.

  10. yes, write you blog url.

    How the F haven't they towed that thing already?

  11. What the hell is wrong with your management that they let this thing sit & rot? Is its owner dead in an apartment someplace, too? Since Y2K?

    I SO MISS the "Heart of It All" license plates. I hadn't seen the new ones, but they're disgusting...

  12. you should write: you think you're so fresh.

  13. There was a dusty car like that parked and unmoved in our garage for months. Although in our case it was a BRAND NEW CAR (with temp tags) and parked in like the middle of the garage. EVERYONE wrote on it -- some of the conversations were hysterical.

    Then, "this car is stolen" was written up on one of the windows, and it was gone shortly thereafter. Very, very strange.

  14. write


    plus your blog url :D

  15. Use reverse psychology:

    "Do not read Cleveland's A Plum"

    That will have the entire city talking!

  16. "There's a dead body in this car!"

  17. and gabriella isn't a whore, she's my sister.

  18. "Cash for Clunkers? I pay $50 a month for my spot"

    Obviously updated with how much you actually pay

  19. i would write: 'Property of Braylon Edwards' =)

  20. I've got to fourth Shannon that is a cute saying.

  21. You should totally draw this:

    And yes, that is an original design.

  22. You should write "you've been plummed."

    I cannot believe that car has been there that long. Damn that is almost a relic.

  23. I like Bayjb's suggestion: You've been plummed!

  24. Ohh Alexa! Sorry to burst your bubble, but I used to park in that garage before moving to the less creepy one on St. Clair and know the REAL story on this junker. It belongs to maintenence and they used to use it to go back and forth between Bridgeview, Perry Payne and Waterstreet to move supplies until it died and has been left in that spot ever since. At least that's what Brenda told me when she was still here!

  25. P.S. - I think the doors are actually unlocked too...

  26. Hahha, I love you've been plummed! And your blog url.

  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

  28. Sorry, I wanted to edit!

    Write: "For a good time call Gabriala 440-328-3382"

    The number is funny. It doesn't belong to a real person, but it works.

  29. Man, actually "write" something?

    I would've just went with a quick cock and balls...

  30. Ok one...I LOVE the new liscense plates. I think they epitomize (sp?) ohio farming. I really just love the colors. I however am nto paying more than the 97 i already pay for my personal plates to get new ones.

    two, that was my second car. One i actually savd up for, a dodge omni. which is the same as a plymouth horizon. they were PIMP back in 94! I had the 86 model.

  31. "Cleveland's a Plum but this car's a lemon."

  32. "I Love you." or "I am watching you."

  33. I've obviously been absent from your blog for almost a whole week! Yay, I won deodorant! Woo hoo!

    I'm surprised your building allows the car to stay there. If I were you I'd do some investigating. That's just weird.

    WTF sounds like something good for the windshield. I think that sums it up sufficiently.

  34. thanks for the tips and information..i really appreciate it..
    זר פרחים ליולדת


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